Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Day 40 - Love is a Covenant 8/4/11

Todays Dare

Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home.  Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present.  Make it a living testament to the value of mariage in God's eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.

What has God revealed to you during the Love Dare?  How have your views of your marriage changed?  How committed are you to God and to your Spouse?  Who can you share this with as a testimony?

This I am saving for tomorrow......

So..its tomorrow...I am going to attempt this now and I think this is going to be tough.  I dont even know where to start.  This is why we used the normal vows for our wedding :) lol...but here goes..and I will stick these in the  book as well.  I want this to be more intimate as well and I dont think it's something that I need to share with the random blog readers. :)

Favorite Phrase

This book may end on Day 40.  But who says your dare has to stop? And as you view your marriage relationship from this point on, we challenge you to consider it a covenant instead of a contract.

A contract is a self-serving and comes with limited liability.  It establishes a time frame for certain deliverables to be met and accomplished.  A Covenant is to the benefit of others and comes with unlimited responsibility.  It has no expiration date.  It is "till death do us part."  A contract can be broken with mutual consent.   A covenant is inteded to be unbreakable.   

yeah..I like this. Perhaps I will start over..or try to remember what I have learned and just keep living by it.  Either way, it will be good for me and him both.

Day 39 - Love Endures 8/3/11

Today's Dare

Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve toyour spouse.  Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what.  Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.

What were some of the hesitations you had in writing this letter.  How do you expect your spouse to respond to it?  How did God help you in writing it, and what did the process teach you about yourself.

I am going to write the letter tonight before bed. I am not going to post it on here because I think it should be a personal letter just to him.  I know some people read this blog, but this I want to be just to him and not for everyone to see.  The Love Dare has opened my eyes and really taught me about myself and how I look at things.  I know Im selfish and self centered.  I believe I have changed and I really hope that Dave sees I have changed for the better as well.

So today I did this dare because I couldnt find any paper last night. I stuck my letter in the book so i know he will find it.  This letter was not hard to write.  I explained what I had learned, what I had gone through and what I intend and hope for the future.  This book has taught me so much about myself and I hope that anyone that reads my blog or hears about the love dare at the very least just reads it. 

Favorite Phrase

Love Never Fails

Enough said.......

Day 38 - Love Fulfills Dreams 8/3/11

Todays Dare

Ask yourself what you rmate would want if it was obtainable.  Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some, if not all, of their desires, to whatever leve you possibly can.

What has made you resistant to fulfilling your mate's desires in the past?  How would it change your relationship if they knew their dreams were a priority to you?  What desires are you attempting to meet?

Well, on this one..I will guess what I think he wants and then I am going to update with what he tells me he wants.

I think he would like to be debt free.  He would like to travel.  He would like to retire.  He would like to update our house a little more.  He would like a different vehicle..a jeep or even a truck as long as gas mileage is good enoug. :) He would like well behaved children.  He would like a Son.  Im sure he would like more freedom in our marriage..without me hounding him with questions about personal matters and gaming..etc etc.  Im sure he would like a break from trying to "please" me and take care of my crazy pregnancy issues and horomones.  He would like to not have to pay the bills and balance the check book.  He would like bigger tvs.

I would love to be debt free and to travel.  I would like to retire.  Updating our house some would be nice.  I would not oppose to him having a vehicle he likes.  Behanved children..of course.  We tried for a Son and are blessed with another Daughter.  I try not to hound him about things I should leave alone.  I try not to be so dependent upon him and having him lift my spirits up when they are down.  I have been trying to balance the check book when I can to relieve him of that stress.  I want him to be happy as much as I want to be happy.

His goals -
I said - If you had an unlimited amount of money and time..what things would you want or want to do or visit...etc etc.
He said - move to Hawaii, buy a yacht, skydive, more tattoos, buy a subaru maxed out, motorcycle, speak spanish, 60 inch 3-d tv....and he cant think of anything right now. :) lol

I would be up for moving to Hawaii and getting a yacht, Id wave from down below as he skydives, Id drive the subaru :) ride on the back of the motorcycle, no interest in speaking spanish and Id watch the TV.

Now..what can actually be achieved for real??  mmm...MAYBE tats, skydiving and once the kids are older..the new vehicle, motorcyle and tv.  So we shall see.

Favorite Phrase

Common sense tells us we can't give our wife or husband everything they might like.  Our budgets and account balances tell us we probably couldn't afford it anyway. And even if we could, it might not be good for us. Or for them.

Love sometimes needs to be extravagant.  To go all out.  It sometimes needs to set aside the technicalities and just bless because it wants to.

Not everything your spouse wants has a heafty price tag.  Not everything he or she desires can be bought with money.  Your wife may really want your time.  She may really want your attention.  She may really want to be treated like a lady, to know that her husband considers her his greatest treasure.  She may really want to see in your eyes a love that chooses to be there no matter what

***AMEN!!!!!!!!!! *** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

You husband may really want your respect.  He may really want you to acknowledge him as the head of the house in front of the children.  He may really want you to put your arms around his neck for no apparent reason, surprising him witha long kiss or a love note when there's not evena  birthday or anniversary to justify it.  He may really need to know that you still think he's strong and handsome, the way you used to.

Dreams and desires come in all shapes and sizes.  But love take careful notice of each one.

Day 37 - Love agrees in Prayer 8/3/11

Today's Dare

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together.  Talk about the best time to do this, whether it's in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime.  Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreement, and needs before the Lord.  don't forget to thank Him for His provisions and blessing.  Even if your Spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

What can you do to help your mate be wiling for the two of you to begin praying together?  If you agreed to pray together, what was it like?  What did you learn from it?

I actually have been thinking about involving the girls and us in dinner prayer.  I used to do it as a kid and then our family grew out of it.  We are not big bible thumpers but we do believe in a higher power and things come to those who do believe.  So I will discuss this option with him tonight and see if he thinks it's a good idea. Lex has been asking me about Jesus and death and everything anyway, so I think this will help her learn as well.  Im going to make this a family event.

Favorite Phrase

Not really sure I have one today...

Day 36 - Love is God's Word 8/3/11

Today's Dare

Commit to reading the Bible every day.  Find a devotional book or otehr resource that will give you some guidance.  If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily bible reading with you.  Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.

What parts of your life are in the greatest need of God's counsel?  Where do you feel the must susceptible to failure?  What are you asking God to show you through His Word?

I try to read some...but I am not a good person to understand the bible. I think areas that need improvement in my life are my attitude and I think we need help with our finances now.  It kinda sucks that the house payment has gone up.  Im not really sure how we are going to wing it.

mm..and ok..Im cheating..I took a 1 day dare and made it turn into 10 days..so Im going to try and finish the dare earlier now. :) So..Im doing multiple dares in one day because these last 4 dont seem too difficult.

Favorite Phrase

Every aspect of your life that you submit to, God's princeiples will grove stronger and more long-lasting over time.  But any part you withhold from Him, choosing instead to try your own hand at it, will weaken and eventually fail with the storms of life hit you.  It may, in fact, be the one area that hastens the downfall ofyour home and marriage.

mm...I just like that.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Day 35- Love is Accountable 8/3/11

Today's Dare

Find a marriage mentor, someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you.  If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment.  during this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.

Who did you choose?  Why did you selete this person?  What do you hope to learn from them?

I have a few people that I feel I can talk to about my marriage issues.  I reached out to my Pastor at one of the lowest points in my relationship and I feel that he turned his back on me.  So I no longer reach out to him.  I want to do counseling but I KNOWWW we cant afford it.  Im not just making up an excuse, but when they want to charge 140.00 for a hour for one session....that is ridiculous!!  That is the whole reason why I started to do the love dare.  I was personally at my wits end. I feel I had run into a brick wall and I had a huge hole in my chest and I had no idea how to make things better. I was upset and angry and bitter and I cried soooo hard many nights due to frustration and heartach that I was ready to walk, totally give up and just leave.  But someone told me to take the dare. So for the sake of my marriage and sanity I did.  with 5 days left I am going to say that I do feel that things have gotten slightly better.  I am still bitter and angry with somethings and I honestly can't believe or even begin to fathum how he can be so blind to what is wrong.  I have confided in the love dare as if it were my bible.  I have prayed for him and us and everything in between. I have left everything in God's hands.  All I can do is finish the last 5 days and ask Dave to read the love dare.  I dont expect him to do the dare but I would LOVE it if he were to atleast read and it and have some self reflection because I feel he is selfish.  He is self centered and it is ridiculous.  I have held my tounge, I have loved, I have given in, I have let things be, I have forgiven, I have done everything in my power to stay sane and hold this marriage together but I can not do it alone.  Im feeling smashed and I can't hold all the weight while he sits and games or just ignores life as it revolves around him.  I can not continue on like this.   I pray that God opens his eyes, ears and heart once I place the love dare in his hands.  Please Dave, do this for us. 

SOOOO..yesterday I didn't hold my tounge at lunch hour. I explained to him how I feel unappreciated and unloved and how he can tell someone thank you for handing him a receipt and he can't take two seconds to kiss my bye in the morning.  So this morning I got a kiss and a hug and it just blew me away.  He also told me he has a quit date for his dipping which threw me off as well.  So today I am extremely happy.

Favorite Phrase

Gaining wise counsel is like having a detailed road map and a personal guide while traveling on a long, challenging journey.  It can be the difference between continual success or the destruction of another mariage.  It is vital that you invite strong couples to share the wisdom that have gained through their own successes and failures.

Why waste years of your life learning painful lessons when you could discover those same truths during a few hours of wise counsel?  Why not cross the bridges others have built?  Wisdom is more valuable than gold.  Not receiving it is like letting priceless coins pass through your fingers. 

You and your spouse need these types of friends and mentors on a consistent basis. 

THIS IS THE EXACT FREAKING REASON WHY I TALK TO PEOPLE DAVID!!! It's not good to hold it all in!  People will tell me when Im wrong when I think Im right and when I know Im right and they agree with me!  YOU Need to talk to someone and stop holding everything in!  You are not right all the time and you are wrong ALOT of the time.  You need someone to tell you when you are wrong and you need to listen to them!  You dont want to listen to me or any family members so find someone!  For the sake of the marriage!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Day 34 - Love celebrates godliness 8/2/11

Today's Dare

Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way.  Verabally commend them for this at some point.

What example did you choose to recognize.  How many other ways could you celebrate their growth in godliness?  How could you encourage them to persevere in it?

Dave is always nice to random strangers.  He told me once that a lady was trying to pay for something and her debit card was denied or she couldnt find it or something while he was in line at the grocery store but he didnt know exactly how much money we had so he couldnt pay for it but he wanted to.  I cant remember the exactness of the story but this is the gist of it.  Im glad he's nice to random people because that is good in God's eyes and Im selfish for being jealous of it.  But I am and he knows I am. 

Favorite Phrase

Be happy for any success your spouse enjoys.  But save your heartiest congratulations for those times when they are honoring God with their worship and obedience. 

This I will have to try.

Day 33 - Love completes each other 8/1/11

Today's Dare

Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success.  Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel.  If you have ignored thier input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

What are some upcoming decisions you can make together?  What did you learn today about the role of your mate?

I always include Dave in my decision making. I ask him what he thinks and ask him for his advice.  I don't do anything without him knowing and I hope he has the same respect for me.

Favorite Phrase

This chapter is pretty cool and I can totally relate it with us.  This is what makes me think of us:

One of you may be better at cooking, for instance, while the other is more thorough in cleaning the dishes.  One may be more gentle and able to keep peace among family members, while the other handles discipline more directly and effectively.  Oe may have a good business head but needs the other to help him remember to be generous.

I see Dave as more of the one that handles the business and finances, I am more of the motherly role.  He is better at the firm hand and I am better at trying to decide if they need harsh punishment. I kiss boo boos and Dave scares monsters away.  Dave is good at rough housing and I am more of the gentle one.

When we learn to accept these distinctions in our mate, we can bypass criticism and go straight to helping and appreciating one another.

This reminds me of the grocery shopping experience.  I was getting stressed out with the girls when they were running around and standing in the way and Dave calmed me down.  He told me to just calm down with a stern but understanding look and told me things were ok.  So I did..I stopped worrying someone was going to be pissed they were in the way or that they were going to run away or whatever and we were fine.

Joined together, you are greater than you independent parts.  You need each other.  You complete each other.

Day 32 - Love meets sexual needs 7/31/11

Today's Dare

If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your Husband or Wife today.  Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually.  Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to a greater intimacy.

Was this a satisfying experience for you?  If it didn't turn out the way you'd hoped, what do you thing is complicating matters?  How you committed this to prayer?  If it was a true blessing for both of you, what can you learn from this for the future?

hmmm...well..im not going into detail on this one!! :) LOL

Although today was pretty awesome.  I cleaned the ENTIRE house and my back hurt me sooo bad.  Dave did give me a couple tiny back rubs and he put the girls to bed so I didnt have to go upstairs for the 100th time.  We had a little tizzy and I went to bed alone.  So this dare did not get completed YET...but it will.  I feel as if I can move on because this is something I dont want to do..but..ya know..something I guess I kind of have to. 

Sometimes I just want to list the things that I want him to do for me.  Not in the sexual manner, just in the manner of being nice.  What happened to my morning kiss before he left for work?  What happened to our very often shower time just to chat?  What happened to all the cute cds he would make for me?  Ya know?  Im like trying to make things a little more special and I feel so one sided some days. 

I did cry before bed last night because of our tizzy because he never asks me to stay or says he wants me to come home if I do leave. He doesnt say he loves me on his own or doesnt tell me to have a good day.  I feel like I try and I want so badly to say "hey! realize this!"  But even doing so..I get no response.  At least not the one Im looking for.  I think it might push him farther away and then I get even more discouraged.  BUT I continue on with the dares and just leave things be.  All I can say is that I am trying regardless if he is or not.  Which I guess, some days he does put more effort then normal..but most days are just him in his little world. Unknowing about what is actually going on inside my head and the hurt that I feel.  All I can do is hope that he sees I am trying and pray that he changes or at least accepts the challenge.

Favotie Phrase

You are the one person called and designed by God to meet your spouse's sexual needs. 

This..this is why I disagree with Porn and cheating and all other forms.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Day 31 - Love and Marriage 7/30/11

Today's Dare

Is there a "leaving" issue you haven't been brave enough to conquer yet?  Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right.  The oneness of your mariage is dependent upon it.  Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

Has this been a hard thing for you to deal with?  How has it affected your relationship?  If the worse offender in this area is your spouse (with you in-laws), how can you loving move this toward a better situation?

Neither of us has this leaving issue.  We are both broke away from our parents and depend on one another.  However, if something was to happen and we had to divorce, I know my family would be there for me. 

Favorite Phrase

God meant when He declared you "one flesh."
You are able to achieve oneness in your decision making, even when you begin from differing viewpoints.
You are able to achieve oneness in your priories, even though you've come together from backgrounds that could hardly be more different.
You are able to achieve oncness in your sexual affections toward each other, even if either or both of you have memories of impurity in your pre-maritial past.

For the most part, I think we do these things fairly well and don't need help there.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Day 30 - Love brings Unity 7/29/11

Today's Dare

Isolate one area of division in your marriage and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it.  Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your Spouse.  Pray that He would do the same for them.  And if appropriate, discuss this matter opening, seeking God for unity.

Did the Lord open your eyes to anyting new that might be giving fuel to this point of disagreement?  How do you intend to respond?  What do you hope to see God do in your Spouse as well?

This again..Ive gotten rid of everything that I can. There is nothing more that I can physically get rid of that has caused us stress and seperated us.  I feel I am doing everything that I can to bring us closer together.

Favorite Phrase

Unity. Togetherness. Oneness

This is what I want..and I am striving towards that.

Day 29 - Love's Motivation 7/28/11

Today's Dare

Before your see your spouse again today, pray or them by name and for their needs.  Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I Love You" then express love to them in some tangible way.  Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person - unconditionally, the way He love both of you.

How will this change of motivation affect your relationship and reactions?  What does this inspire you to do?  What does it inspire you to stop doing?

Since the beginning I have changed completely.   I dont think there is anything else that I can do or not do besides what I have been doing and continue to do.  I have given my all during this dare and people still wonder why Im doing it and I keep saying..this is what Im supossed to do.  It says keep going, it says keep doing them regardless if you think they should be loved, if they deserve it, if they take it well and all of that.  So I keep doing it, I keep doing everything the look says and honestly, the past few weeks have been good. He has been loving, we have been sleeping in the same bed, we have communication, we are affectionate. He comes to me first for a kiss.  He rubs my back, he talks to the baby. Everything that I had before that disappeared has returned.  I can just continue to do what i am doing. that is all the motivation that I have.

Favorite Phrase

It doesnt take much experience to discover that your mate will not always motivate your love. In fact, many times they will de-motivate it. More often then you'd like, it will seem difficult to find the inspiration to demonstrate your love. They may not even receive it when you try to express it. That's simply the nature of life, even in fairly healthy marriages. But altho moods and emotions can create all kinds of moving motivational targets, one is certain to stay in the same place, all the time.  When God isyour reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed.  Thats because love come from Him.
 
is your husband tuning you out, not saying much, appently brooding over something he's not interested in sharing? Do u feel hurt by his unwillingness to open up? Are u tired of him being so short with you, not even responding to the children the way he needs to? Dont battle back with adouble dose of silence and inattention. Love him anyway As to the Lord.
 
See..it repeats...keep going, keep loving, keep doing everything you need to. REGARDLESS of anything thats negative. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Day 28 - Love makes Sacrifices 7/27/11

Today's Dare

What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now?  Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part?  Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

How much of your mate's stress is caused by your lack of concern or initiative?  When you expressed a desire to help, how did they receive it?  Are there other needs you could meet?

I was thinking about this already yesterday and couldnt come up with anything because I already do EVERYTHING with some to little help from Dave.  I grew up in a family where the Mother/Wife did the house cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids...etc etc..the whole '50's routine.  Which is fine and dandy with me.  BUT I would full time and Im 8 months pregnant. I CANT physically do it ALL all alone.  So any help I get..I appreciate.  Anyway, back to the dare.  I feel I have been trying to take the stress of the money and bills off of Dave by balancing the checkbook when I can and going through medical debt, etc etc.  I can't pay any of the bills because I he pays everything online and I dont have passwords to anything and I have asked him multiple times for them...but he still has yet to give them to me.  I dont think he is hiding anything from me..I just think he doesnt think it as important as I do.  I mean, if something happens to him, I have no way of paying anything. I dont know account numbers, when stuff is due..etc etc.  So, hopefully he will just write the passwords and information down for me to do it sometime.

I wanted to add that last night was pretty awesome..as have the past few days been pretty awesome.  We have spent more time with each other and less time with the computers or cleaning etc etc.  It been laying on the couch watching TV or eatting dinner and chatting.  So Im feeling pretty confident about this dare nowadays.

Favorite Phrase

Too often the only way we notice that life is hard for our mate is when they start complaining about it.  Then instead of genuinely caring or rushing in to help, we might think they just have a bad attitude.

This bad attitude is something Dave has told me that I HAVE on many occassions on previous fights and arguments and I have to remind him of the reasons WHY I have a bad attitude.   

The pain and pressure they're under don't register with us the way it does with it's our pain and presure. When we want to complain, we expect everyone to understand and feel sorrry for us.

Exactly...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Day 27 - Love Encourages 7/26/11

Today's Dare:

Eliminate the poison of unrealiztic expectations in your home.  Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it.  Promise them you'll seek to understand and assure them of your unconditional love.

When you place high expectations on your spouse that they don't feel internally motivated to attain, waht does that tell you about yourself?  What are some better ways to deal with these disconnects?

I dont think o put high expectations on Dave.  I only expect him to work as hard as I do while at home.  I think if I cook, clean, etc that he should only be expected to do the same without me asking or without things piling up and the house being destroyed to where I am running around with MY head cut off to try and clean things up.  That is all I EXPECT of him.  Although when he is working and going to class multiple days a week I don't expect much of him at all during the week and I "allow" him to "slack" off.  Meaning..I dont bitch or complain or get upset with him. 

Favorite Phrase:

"How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out ofyour eye," tand behold the log is in your own eye?  You hyprocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to tkae the speck out of your brother's eye"

Exactly......Dont give advice to me...and I don't give advice to you.  Your relationship problems are just as bad...if not worse then my own.  ALSO..you can read this as I myself can't be pissed at Dave for being lazy when I have been sleeping the whole damn day due to whatever. But I love this phrase and I remember when Pastor Dave did a sermon on this phrase. I don't think I will ever forget it.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Day 26- Love is Responsible 7/25/11

Today's Dare

Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing.  As for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse.  Do it sincerely and truthfully.  As your spouse for forgiveness as well.  No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love.  Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receivng it as counsel.

What does your mate need to see in order to believe that your confession was more then just words?

I honestly dont know what I could ask forgiveness for.  I myself, dont think I have done anything that I need to ask forgiveness for. I asked Dave if he thought I should ask forgiveness for something...anything and he said he didn't know. 

OHHHHHHH WAIIIITTTTT!!!!!! Venting on Facebook, Baby Center and here! :)  ugh...really?  I have to ask for forgiveness...boo...lol...humph..guess I need to continue on.

Ok, so I said the above to him and asked him if he could forgive me for that and he said that he could.  So we will see if it is brought up in later fights. ;)  Then I will know if he really did forgive me or not.

Favorite Phrase

A real heart of repentance may take a while to grow in you.  Pride is very resistant to responsibility, but humility and honesty before God and your spouse is crucial for a healthy relationship.

and it sucked..but I did it.  blah...

Friday, July 15, 2011

Day 25 - Love Forgives 7/16/11

Today's Dare

Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today.  Let it go.  Just as we ask Jesus to "Forgive our debts", each day we must ask him to "forgive our debtors".  Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prision too long.  Say from your heart "I choose to forgive."

What did you forgive your spouse for today?  How long have you been carrying the weight of it?  What are the possibilities now that you've released this matter to God?

This one is hard.  It's been taking me a few extra days to do this one.  I will finish this dare when I feel I can with my whole heart, complete this dare.

Ok, so TEN days later..I think I can safely say I can put everything in the past.  I can stop thinking about things and I can move on and put a clean slate in front of me.  I can see he is trying to better things for us and we are still working on us and he has even agreed to watch Fireproof and started watching it on his own the other night.  So I am able to safely say I forgive Dave.  Today, Tomorrow and in the future.

Favorite Phrase

Forgiveness doesn't absolve anyone of blame.  It doesn't clear their record with God.  It just clears you of having to worry about how to punish them.  When you forgive another person, your not turning them loose.  Yourse just turning them over to God, who can be counted on to deal with them His way.  Your saving yourself the trouble of scripting any more arguments or trying to precail in this situation.  Its not about winning anymore and losing anymore.  Its about freedom. Its about letting go.

I dont think I could completely forgive Dave without knowing this.  He has hurt me and said hurtful things to me, lied to me, betrayed me...I feel if I let it go then God will handle it.  He will punish him if he needs to be and I can continue to live my life and not worry about things.

Day 24 - Love vs. Lust 7/15/11

Today's Dare

End it now.  Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it.  Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it.  Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom.  It must be killed and destroyed - today- and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with his perfect love.

What did you identify as an area of lust?  What has this pursuit cost you over time?  Write about your new commitment to seek Him -- and to seek your spouse-- rather than seeking after foolish desires.

This is why I have deleted my BBC account, put FB on hold and concentrating on my blog and my family.  I read peoples threads and think..why cant my life be like that.  I get on Paltalk and love the attention I get from anyone saying how great I look and think damnit..my husband should be treatingme this way and it makes me mad that he doesnt.  So I am getting rid of everything that puts a negative attribute on my relationship. 

Favorite Phrase:

We try to meet legitimate needs and illegitimate ways.  For many it's seeking sexual fulfillment in another person or in pornographic images designed to feel like a real person.  We look, start, and fantasize. We try to be discreet but barely turn our eyes away. And once our eyes are captured by curiosity, our hearts become entangled. Then we act on our lust.  We also lust after possessions or power or prideful ambition.  We see what others have and we want it,  Our hearts are deceived into saying "I could be happy it I only had this."  Lust always breeds more lust.  It breeds anger, numbs hearts, and destroys marriages.  Rather than fullness, it leads to emptiness. 

I was seeking fulfillment in the comments I was getting on PalTalk from men and women both. I was getting the void filled that Dave was empting by ignoring me and making me feel fat and ugly and unwanted.  I was angry with him, why can these people think Im so awesome and he can't stand me, he should be happy with what he has.  He is an idiot and he is this and that and etc etc.  I was thinking..if only he loved me...I could be happy.  But we all know...i would want more.  He gives me a kiss and I want him to hold my hand too...etc etc. 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Day 23 - Love Always Protects 7/14/11

Today's Dare

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

What did you throw out first?  Are there others htat need to go as well?  What do you hope the removal of these things will do for you, your marriage and your relationship with God?

Today I am going to delete all the negative attributes I have blogged in here..I will keep my dares and everything I have wrote in my dares but the additional ones I will get rid of.  I also intend to delete Paltalk from both the computers.  I get on there for people boost my self esteem.  I dont think I need that influence.  I know Dave has mentioned online boyfreinds before and I dont have one..nor do I want one for fuck sakes so I think this will eliminate this problem as well.

So, I did delete PalTalk from both computers and I also deleted my Baby Center account and I am putting blogging on facebook on hold.  All of those things combined take time away from my work schedule and my home life.  I am concentrating 100% on those items.  I dont need drama or any outside influences.  I plan to do what I plan to do and that's just the way that it is.  I even tell my mom to not talk about it. :)  Ive made MY decision and Im sticking to it. 
Favorite Phrase:

Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrows, successes, and failures.  But when you think about what you want marriage to be like, the furthest thing fromyou mind is a battleground. 

The paragraph continues..but I want to stop there.  I feel the past few days this is exactly what it has been. I ask a question and he gets instantly pissed and blows it WAYYY out of what I had in mind.

Day 22 - Love is Faithful 7/13/11

Today's Dare

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee jerk reaction.  Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of thier interest in receiving it.

Why is this kind of love impossible without the love of Christ beating in your heart?  How does His prescence within you enable you to love, even when it's primarily one-sided?

Sooo....I honestly feel like..ok..I can do this..MAYBE..just MAYBE..I can fix it... ((I know..Im fucking crazy!! Im admitting it first)) Soo..I texted Dave and said "I expect no response or reply whatsoever.  but still..I love you.  Period.  I choose to love you even if you dont love me in return.  I hope your day is good."
His response...No kidding... "Sell your lies to someone else, you dont love me"
Of course I bawled my eyes out..again...but ya know what. While Im still "living" with him..Im going to keep trying.  At the end of the love dare..if it's still this way..then Ive got my answer.  Scarlett wont be born by then..but I will know what I need to honestly prepare for.  All I ask of you or anyone is support to keep my head above waters.

Favorite Phrase:

From the vantage point of the wedding altar, you would never have dreamed that the person you married might later become to you a kind of "enemy", one you would need to love as an act of almost total sacrifice.  And yet far too often in marriage, the relationship does indeed dwindle down to that level.  Even to the point of betrayal, or sadly, to unfaithfulness. 
For many, this is the beginning of the end.  Some respond by rapidly moving toward a tragic divorce.  Others, more protective of their reputation than even their own happiness, decide to keep the charade going.  But they have no intention of liking it -- much less loving each other again.
You can give undeserved love toyour spouse because God gave undeserve love to you --repeatedly, enduringly.  Love is often expresssed the most to those who deserve it the least.
Ask God to fillyou with the kind of love only He can provide, then purpose to give it to your mate in a way that reflects your gratefulness to God for loving you.  That's the beauty of redeeming love.  That's the power of faithfulness.


And this is what speaks to me..right to my heart. I dont think he does deserve what I give him for the way he treats me..but I keep going regardless.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Day 21 - Love is Satisfied in God 7/13/11

Today's Dare

Be international today about making a time to pray and read your bible.  Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day or reaing a chapter in  the Gospels.  As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you.  This will add to our growth as you walk with him.

How do you think spending time daily with God will change our situation and perspective?  How can you make Him a bigger part of your day?

I started reading Matthew a week or so ago. I havent gotten very far but on that day things seemed to be ok.  Not great..but they were ok.  I plan to try and continue to read some sections of the bible and hopefully things will come together.

Favorite Phrase:

I honestly cant say I have one that is my favorite today.  This chapter mainly talks about not depending on your spouse to fulfill all of your needs, wants and expectations..that only God can do that.  Well,  Ive heard this many many many times...but there are some things I don't think God can do..which why he made a man and a woman to live together and be together.  So no..I dont think God can satisfy every single want and need that I have.  Its impossible.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Day 20- Love is Jesus Christ 7/12/11

Today's Dare

Dare to take God at His word.  Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation.  Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, Im a sinner.  But You have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection.  Lord, change my heart, and save me by your choice.

Write about what this experience has been like for you.  Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive and express His love, what has He shown you today?

This has been a rollercoaster ride.  We have had our ups and downs, fights and everything with it.  I will admit..even though I am frustrated and pissed off at Dave I feel this dare is working.  If it's not working on him it's most def working on me.  I reread sections so I can remind myself how to act and what I need to do regardless if it was a dare that was 2 days ago or 10. I am constantly reading the patience page.  That is the very first chapter of the book. 

God has shown me today that I do infact have patience and I can control my emotions.  Instead of yelling and screaming..I got in my car and took a drive.  I turned the music up really loud and cried because I was sooooo frustrated.  I came back able to take care of the kids and able to keep my cool with Dave.  My blog is obviously my outlet..but I figure it's better to say what I mean here for him to read later instead of screaming in his face and he just tuning me out anyway. 

Favorite Phrase

Jesus has come to seek and save you.  Everything you've failed at and havent been able todo, every minute you've wasted trying to fix things your own way -- all of it can be forgiven and make right by putting your life into the hands of the One who first gave it to you.

And this is the reason why I can keep going.  Its in his hands now and whether Dave chooses to continue on with our marriage or walk away or if I continue on or walk away at the end of the 40 days is totally in His hands.  I know he will not steer me wrong.  He hasn't steered me wrong before.  He has given me the strength once before and I know he will show me the correct way once again.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Day 19 - Love is Impossible 7/11/11

Today's Dare

Look back over the dares from previous days.  Where there some that seemed impossible to you?  Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your enternal destination.

What do you believe God is saying to you?  Is there a stirring in your heart?  What decision have you made in response to this?

The hardest dare by far is practicing patience.  I want to blow up so many times at some many things but yet I hold my tounge.  Hopeing and praying he opens his eyes completely.  Today I had to leave.  I had told Brooke when I was getting out her out of the bathtub that she could go downstairs and eat the rest of the strawberries.  I didn't say candy or have some pop or what the fuck ever.  Strawberries..and there was fucking 4 of them for fuck sakes.  She got them out and he took them from her so she started crying..of course..mommy told her to have those and Dave took them away.  Confuses a 4 yr old.  So he got shitty with me because she didnt eat her dinner.  Ok, I get that, but I brought the subject to strawberries up and he went over my head to make the decision and told her no.  All he has been doing to day is playing that stupid fucking game.  They fixed it and now he's back to gaming.  So Im going on strike.  Im not cleaning anything up or doing any laundry.  I actually folded a load in the livingroom.  Its on the table, the floor and the couch. Im leaving it there.  If he can jump in and punish the kids then he can learn to help out and get his fucking ass off the couch and do something else around here.  Im exhausted and Im sick of doing the fucking dare when he sits there and sucks up me being nice and loving to him and he has nothing in return.  He had the nerve to ask me why I would delete his WoW account....because he doesnt do a god damn thing while he plays that.  Little does he know Im about to walk the fuck out.  Im am not going to compete with a game and I shouldnt have to.  I have been practicing patience since day one and they are going even more thin.  If anyone needs this dare it's him. 

Another one that was tough was the rules.  I had Dave sitting next to me and he wouldnt give himself some rules to fight fair buy.  He just kept telling me my only rule should be not to talk.  Funny at the moment but now that Im in the heat of the moment, why should I have to fight fair when he doesnt want to.  He just wants to tune me out.  Like Im a crazy, physco bitch.  Im sick of fighting tho. Im sick of explaining myself..Im sick of him.  I want the 40 days to be over with so I can make my decision. 

Favorite Phrase:

You simply wont be able to do it without Him.

Who is Him you ask?  God. That's Him.  I need him...and Ive been asking for his help.  Perhaps this is the only reason that I can continue on day by day even though I feel so betrayed and so pissed off and every bad feeling in the world. 

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Day 18 - Love seeks to Understand 7/10/11

Today's Dare

Prepare a special dinner at home, just the two of you.  The dinner can be as nice as you perfer.  Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about.  Determine to make it an injoyable evening.

What did you learn about your spouse that you didn't know before?  How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times?  What were some moments that made this day enjoyable?

Making a special dinner is out of the question.  We have children.. :)  so we are pretty much broke.  However, we had another very good day and we actually talked a lot today.  We have messed around today and joked and it's been an all around good day.  We both fell asleep on the couch..cuddled with each other for a quick nap while the girls watch Tinkerbell and ate dinner.  Everything today made the day memorable.  We went to his cousin's house and we werent smothered all over each other but we still had the connection.  He felt my stomach multiple times today...Ive had kisses...etc etc.  Today was a good day.

I also wanted to add..because it's soooo God answering my prayers. Dave's WoW account was hacked..all his stuff was sold..all his money gone and his guy was left naked.  So I know he wont be staying up really late tinight playing his game.  Im hoping I can get a shower in with him and him to go to bed with me tonight.  :)

Favorite Phrase:

If you miss the level of intimacy you once shared with your spouse, one of the best ways to unlock their heart again is by making a commitment to know them.  Study them.  Read them like a book you're trying to understand.

I have been studing him.  Ive been listening to him when he talks to me and tells me what he doesnt like.  I want to know him..the ins, the outs, the good and the bad.

Day 17 - Love Promotes Intimacy 7/9/11

Today's Dare:

Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you)  and to pray for them.  Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues.  Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you.  Make them feel safe.

How much of an effort is it for you to hold back from saying something, critial or otherwise?  What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?

I know Dave has secrets...even secrets he tries to keep from me.  But I know more then what he thinks I do.  I will pray for those things and not bring them up to make him feel like his secrets aren't safe with me, but again, I will pray that these things go away. 

Today has been AWESOME!  We have spent so much time together it's such a great feeling.  We have been watching netflix all day, he held my hand on the couch, we had some intimate moments and he went with me to my parents house.  He didnt want to, but he didnt put up a huge fight like he normally does.  Today has been sooo worth all of this. 

He has put his hands on my belly felt the baby move several times today.  I am starting to feel like I have morning sickness again at 31 weeks.  So he's been more supportive of that as well.  Thankfully I got all the laundry done yesterday and all I did was go grocery shopping and I did that alone..which I never get to do and felt like I was going to throw up in the store so I had to hurry through that shopping experience.

Anyway, again, today has been fantastic!!!!!!!!

Favorite Phrase:

If home is not considered a place of safety, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else.  Perhaps you might look to another person, initiating a relationship that either flirts with adultery or actually enters in.  You may look for comfort in work or in outside hobbies, something that partially shields you from intimacy but also keeps you around people who respect and accept you.

I think Dave and I are both guilty of this.  He games with people and I chat with people.  Im sure his gaming buddies accept his palying behavior way more then I ever will and the people I chat with fill the void that Dave doesnt give me.  They tell me how pretty I am and how great pregnant I look and that he is missing out on so much, etc etc etc.  Not only are these men..but women also.  I do not intend to pursue anything outside of my relationship and I would NEVER take it to that level but it is nice to hear strangers tell me how pretty I am.  I dont get that at home. 

Your mate should not feel pressured to be perfect in order to receive your approval.  They should not walk on eggshells in the very place where they ought to feel the most comfortable in their bare feet.  Being naked and not ashamed should exist in the same sentence, right in your marriage --physically and emotionally.

This I have to say....I dont feel comfortable in my own skin.  I feel I need to look my best, smell my best, try to act on my best behavior for him to give me any sort of attention.  I am pretty sure he feels comfy in all areas listed above though.  If not, he has never told me or acted as if he didnt.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Day 16 - Love Intercedes 7/8/11

Today's Dare

Begin praying today for your spouse's heart.  Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

Have you experienced the power of praying in the past?  What did you choose to pray about?  Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?

The three areas I plan to pray for are: 1.  His dipping habit, 2.  His gaming habit and 3.  His inability to realize he is not single and does not live in his own little world so our marriage can get more attention.

Prayer is NOT foreign to me.  I once prayed a long time ago and that is what gave me the courage to walk out of a bad situation and ask my parents to come help me.  The packed my things and within a day I was gone with my children and moved to a new home.  I will never regret that decision.

Favorite Phrase:

You cannot change your spouse.  As much as you may want to, you cannot play God and reach into their heart and mold them into what you want them to be.

Im not trying to change Dave.  I never had tried to change him.  I have always thought he was perfect the way he was or else I wouldve never fallen in love with him so quickly and planned a $10,000.00 wedding a short time later.  All I ask is he stop doing the bad things he is doing now that he never did when we met.  They are things that will harm anyone else but himself and our marriage.  But nonetheless...I want the old Dave back.  As Im sure he wants the old me back..pre-pregnancy body to follow. Which I intend to work on once Scarlett is born.

Day 15 - Love is Honorable 7/7/11

Today's Dare:

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.  It may be holding the door for her.  It might be putting his clothes away for him.  It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication.  Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

How did you choose to show honor?  What was the result?  What are some other ways uou could demonstrate honor in the coming days?

This one might be tough for me.  I do his laundry, I do the dishes, I cook dinner, I listen to him..I feel as if I have tried everything.  I dont really know how to show much more then what I alread have.  Ive rubbed his back while we were in bed, Ive cuddled, Ive rubbed his feet..Ive left him alone..etc etc etc.  Im just going to continue to do these things because I seem to be getting a pretty good result these past few days.

So Dave knows Im doing this 40 day challenge but doesnt know what it's called or anything and I texted him today and told him my dare for today.  I was being funny and told him that when he gets home..around 230pmish...to sit in his car and wait for me to get home..which would be around 530pmish so I can open his car door for him :) lol He was like..ya..Ill do that.  LOL Maybe Ill do laundry and actually put it away instead of leaving it in baskets. :) That would make him happy.  I usually jsut do it and pile it all up until the weekend when I have lots of time to put it away.  By then..its usually a bit wrinkled. 

Last night I didn't bitch or complain while Dave played WoW from the time I walked in the door until who knows when.  I actually sat next to him and watched him play.  It's actually pretty fucking boring if you ask me.  But I did it because I love my Husband and if that's what he's into..then so be it. At least he's not out at the bar drinking or smoking pot or neglecting us even more by not being there.  I do hate when he games and dips because I feel like I can't hold conversations with him.  I want to ask him about the game or the kids or life or whatever and he can't talk to me with a mouthfull of spit and it makes me a bit more frustrated.  but anyway..that was our night...

Favorite Phrase:

 To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth.  When you speak to them, you keep your language clean and understandable.  You are courteous and polite. when they speak to you, you take them seriously, giving thier words weight and significance.  When they ask you to do something, you accommodate them if at all possible, simply out of respect for who they are.

I feel that I try to act this way towards Dave on a daily basis..however, I dont feel that he does the same to me. 

This is especially true in marriage.  Honoring your mate means giving him or her your full attention, not talking to them from behind a newspaper or with one eye on the television. 


And I feel this next part comes into play for me as well in regards to my response above....

Perhaps you dont feel this way, and maybe for good reason.  Perhaps you wish some outsider could see the level of disrespect you get from your wife or husband -- someone who would make your mate feel embarrassed to be exposed for who they really are behind closed doors.

But that's not he issue with love.  Love honors even when it's rejected.  Love treats its beloved as special and sacred even with an ungrateful attitude is all you get in return.

This..this is how I feel 100%.  Although.....some days are better then others.  I must admit. Some are better.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Day 14 - Love Takes Delight 7/6/11

Today's Dare

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend time with your spouse.  Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on.  Just be together.

What did you decide to give up?  What did you do together?  What new thing did you learn or relearn about your spouse?

So really the only things that I do on a daily basis are work, cook, clean and then I get on here, Facebook and Babycenter.  So..I gave up the internet all together last night.  I made dinner and we all hung out in the kitchen and talked.  I gave the girls a bath and popped in a movie.  Brooke would not settle down so I had to take her upstairs and we watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for a bit.  I rubbed her head and then came downstairs and got Lex to put her in bed.  I went and read The Love Dare for a few mins and was about to pass out in my bed and Dave came up there and laid down with me.  We just hung out and eventually feel asleep.  It was nice to go to bed together for once.  It doesnt happen often at all. 

Favorite Phrase:

Left to ourselves, we'll always lean towards being disapproving of one another.  She'll get on your nerves.  He'll aggravate you.  but our daysare too short to waste in bickeing over petty things. Life is too fleeting for that. 

I am the one to nit pick and complain about petty things. His dipping, his farting, etc etc.  I dont like these things but instead of bickering with him over them. I can just walk away or choose to ignore them.  He knows I don't like those things and sometimes I think he just does it TO annoy me.  Specially if we are fighting.  But since this dare..I have tried to bicker less and less.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Day 13 - Love fights Fair 7/5/11

Today's Dare:

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement.  If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by.  Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

If your spouse participated with you, what was their response?  What rules did you write for yourself?

Tonight Dave and I are to sit down and write out a set of rules for him to abide by, me and then an Us section.  I am really exhausted so I am going to try and finish this dare but I may just go home and go to sleep instead. 

Dave and I had a good night last night.  We ended up taking a shower and disgussing things.  He stayed up a bit later and read a book and then played his game for a while.  He came to bed with me and slept with his arm around me.  I was sooo misearable last night.  These last few weeks of pregnancy are really starting to wear on me.  I was soooo hot last night and couldnt get comfy.  My hips hurt so I put a pillow between my legs and then I just toss and turn.  I want to lay on my stomach but I can't.  I mean its like sleeping with a basketball under you. Miserable I tell ya!  Today Im trying to eat some food but I just feel sooo stuffed and ill.  All I can really get down is liquids and that is not helping me..so Im chewing gum to try and digest whatever is still lingering from yesterday. 

Ill be back to update later..or I may have to resume this dare tomorrow. We will see how it pans out.

My Rules:
1.  I will not take off my wedding ring..period...well...when I can get it back on my finger :) lol
2.  I will not yell or raise my voice.
3.  I will not antagonize.
4.  I will not say MY children.
5.  I will not jump to conclusions.

His Rules:
1. 
2.
3.
4.
5.

Our Rules:
1. We will not go to bed mad.
2. We will call a "time-out" if we start to get too angry.
3.  We will not fight in front of the kids.
4.  We will never mention divorce.
5.  We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.

He didn't want to participate.  I read the rules to him and I am going to abide by mine. 

Favorite Phrase:

Fighting fair means changing your weapons.  Disagreeing with dignity.  Tt should result in building a bridge instead of burning one down.  Remember, love is not a fight, but is always worth fighting for.

This is what I am going to strive for and what I have been trying to do.  I need to fight for what I love and I will continue to press on eventhough days have been rough.  As you have read...obviouslu.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Day 12 - Love Let's The Other Win 7/4/11

Today's Dare

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.  Tell them you are putting their preferences first.

What issue did you choose?  What did giving in cost you?  How will this help you in the future?

Today is day 11 but I already know what I'm going to give in to.  I honestly give in a lot and I am unhappy about them all the time.  I figure I will give into his gaming. Yes, I know your all like what the fuck?  This is the one thing that you bitch about the most and you are just going to give in.  Yes, that is right. I am going to give in to the gaming because 1.  he is at home when he is gaming so I know he isnt running around and running the streets or out cheating and 2.  I do bitch about the most and if I come to my senses and say "Ok, it's ok that he games this much" I will stop driving myself in fucking sane because once I say it's ok for him to game that no longer gives me a reason to bitch because I have just given him the ok to do what has always made me mad. 

I don't think this is going to necessarly help me in the future with any issue that I have had.  But atleast it's for my piece of mind that I am giving up on fighting with him on this one.  Dave,  This one I will let you win because I cherish you.  Even though you will not know how much until you read these posts.  Trust me. I wouldnt go through this shit for anyone else.  I hope you open your eyes soon enough and realize everything I am doing to try and save our marriage.

OK..ok..ok...After a few crazy ass posts. I have told him..fine game..You can have that one luxury.  Let's see how this pans out..forward onto the next dare...which I think is totally fit for me right now.....read on to day 13.

Favorite Phrase:

Are you willing to bend to demonstrate love to yourr spouse?  Or are you refusing to give in because of your pride?  If it doesn't matter in the long run -- especially in eternity--then give up your rights and choose to honor the one you love.  It will be both good for you and good for your marriage.

This is exactly what I am doing...

Day 11 - Love Cherishes 7/3/11

Today's Dare

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today?  Can you run an errand?  Give a back rub or a foot massage?  Is there housework you could help with?  Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

What did you choose to show that you cherish your mate?  What did you learn from this experience?

Again, today's dare is going to be hard to complete, but I as always will do my best to complete it.

It's already after 6pm and I can't bring myself to do anything for him.  I cherish Dave.  I really do, but I can't complete todays dare with a smile.  I feel betrayed once agian and find myself crying today.  I obviously can't go into the issue entirely because my blog is public and I feel if I did I would betray Dave if I did.  But Im not dumb and I was not born yesterday.  I don't know why you choose other "things" over me.  I throw myself out there for you.  You ignore my every need, wish and word.  I do not know how to live my life happily when I am ignored in every single fashion know to man.  You have no idea how much you are breaking me down to the point where it is hard to life my head off my pillow in the morning and soak it with tears every night.  I can't even try and express my sefl with out tears running down my face.  I need help.  I need someone to hug me and to tell me that it is ok.  That I am not fat, ugly and undersireable because apparently I am all of these things to my husband.  It's so off how a married man walking with his wife in public can obviously stare of me for whatever reason and I cannot get my Husband to turn his head and look at me.  Not even for the two seconds that I walk past him in the livingroom.  I eat dinner alone, I shower alone, I go places alone, I sleep alone and I dream alone.  Wishing my husband would come back and do all of these things with me.  I just dont know what to do anymore.  Ill have to try another day to complete this dare..or perhaps..take a nap and forget the issue that has come to my attention today and just move on with the dare. 

I will try and update later.

I was on my way to my Moms thinking on how I COULD continue today's dare.  then I remembered that I had cleaned out the bill box and organized our paycheck stubs. So..I will count that for todays dare. That is his area of the house and I cleaned it up for him. 

Favorite Phrase:

When you mistreat your spouse, you are mistreating yourself.  Think about it.  Your lives are not interwoven together.  Your spoiuse cannot experience joy or pain, blessing or cursing, without it affecting you.  So when you attack your mate, it is like attacking your own body.

It's time to let love change yours thinking.  It's time for you to realize that your spouse is as much as part of you are your hand, your eye, or your heart.  she, too, needs to be loved and cherished.  And if she has issues causing pain or frustation, then you should care for these with the same lovee and tenderness as you would a bodily injury.  If he is wounded in some way, you should think of yourself as an instrument that helps bring healing to is life. 

When you look at your mate, you're looking at a part of YOU.  So treat your mate well.  Speak highly of them.  Nourtish and cherish the love of your life.

 I thought about this one a lot today.  I really tried to not mistreat Dave and talk bad about him or even be angry with him today.  But I am only human and I need to vent just like everyone else.  I agree that your spouse is a part of you.  If I am upset, I know Dave is upset.  If he is upset, then I feel upset.  Its the same thing.  So, again, yes I agree with these statements.  Treat your spouse well as if they are a part of you.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Day 10- Love is unconditional 7/2/11

Today's Dare

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse -- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else.  Wash her car.  Clean the kitchen.  Buy his favorite desert.  Fold the laundry.  Demonstate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

Has your love in the past been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or on your commitment?  How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in a way you hoped for. 

Ok, I cheated..today is still day 9 and I want to count the shake a got today as tomorrows gift.  :/ Humph!!  Oh well..I guess I will have to wait until tomorrow to see what it brings. :)

I am up early today and Im fuming.  Why can't he understand I have been nice and loving and kind for 10 days now and he cant give me shit in return.  How CAN I continue to show love when it is not returned in ANY way I had hoped for?!?  Im loosing my fucking mind!  We took a shower together last night, we had conversation, we watched movies together, etc etc and then I ask him to come to bed with me and he ends up falling asleep on the couch because he chooses to play the stupid god damn WoW game till after 230am last night!!  I have ot walked down the stairs 900 times asking hime if he's coming to bed yet and I am nice and I am loving and I give sexual favors without anything in return I buy cute little deserts and food etc and I get nothing in return. Well, I guess I shuldnt say nothing because I have got conversation and a couple nights in bed with him and a few kisses and hugs here and there.  So I guess this love dare is working but really..why couldnt he just put the stupid computer game away and just come to bed with me?  Now he is going to sleep all day and I have laundry to do and Im hungry and Im moody.  UGH...I dont know what to do except continue on to today's dare.

Ok, so 9:16pm and I completed my dare for today.  I went to Borders and just walked around because we had a small quirl and I wanted to get out of the house.  I went and visited the sex section and the kids section, birthing section and then went to the card section.  Did you know that Borders only has like 4 "love' cards?  How off is that?  They were mostly birthday cards or get well cards.  Anyway, I got a card and at the checkout I grabbed a bag of coffee for him too.  Turns out they were buy one get one free so I got me one as well.  I then walked to Noodles n Co and got us dinner.  I came home..put the bag and his food on the couch next to him and I am in the kitchen..eatting...alone...with no response from him.  go figure.  I finished my dare and again..not the response I wanted.  but I did finish it nonetheless.......

Favorite Phrase:

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional.  The truth is this:  love is not determined by the one being loved not rather by the one choosing love.

Im the one choosing to love....there...the end. I think that says it all....

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Day 9- Love Makes Good Impressions 7/1/11

Today's Dare:

Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today.  Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm.  Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

When and where did you choose to do your special greeting?  How will you change your greeting from this point on?

UGHHH todays dare is going to be HARD! Im stressed out and I dont feel like being nice!  I guess this was bound to happen.  Frustration is kicking in with the dares and living life normally at home.  Please pray I can get through this dare and keep my patience and sanity!

I plan to greet Dave, regardless how mad I am and frustrated I am with him in a nice and loving way today after work.  Im just going to walk in the door..put my stuff down and give him a kiss and ask how his day was.  I think I will try to do that everyday.  That way I dont want in the door and bam..Im bitching.  I think this will help so he's not on the defense as soon as I shut the door.

I walked in the door, made the girls a snack and went and gave him a kiss and asked him how his day was.  I think I can do that every day.  It did keep me from blowing up from being mad earlier.  I didnt come in and have a bitchy attitude and he wasnt on the defensive with my attitude.  Therefore, we didnt fight. 

We have made a little bit of progress tonight.  We have had conversation about random things and we actually just got out of the shower!  I honestly don't remember the last time that we had taken a shower together.  It is another small victory and I am so freaking excited you all have no idea!! 

I took a small nap and and then he fell asleep.  While he was sleeping I ran out to Steak n Shake and got me a large cherry limeade and grabbed him a large chocolate shake.  I woke him up and I gave him the shake. He also ate the pie I got for him last weekend and said he liked it.  Whoo hoo for the .77 splurge. :)  Anyway, have a great night every..I think Im going to cuddle up on the couch with my man!

Favorite Phrase:

When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases.  You feel more important and valued.  That's because a good greeting sets the stage for positive and healthy interaction.  Like love, it puts wind in your sails.

AMEN....that is all Im going to say to that...AMEN.

Day 8- Love is Not Jealous

Today's Dare

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy.  To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on thier achievements, take yesterday's list or negative attribustes and discreetly burn it.  Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

How hard was it to destroy the list?  What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate?  How can you encourage them toward future successes?

The list was not hard to destroy at all.  I actually just shredded it here at work. I smiled and said "bye bye negative things!!"  Im only focusing on the positive ones!!  Positive things to celebrate in Dave's life...well..He is currently in college and has finished his first year.  He just recently got a raise.  We have a baby on the way and he has finally gotten to the final level on his game!!!  Now that is something Im THRILLED about! Although he continues to play it, it doesnt seem as much as he used to.  Thankfully! :)

I can encourage Dave to continue doing what he is doing.  He needs to continue to go to class and go to work and I can help him get his sleep and do as much as I can around the house and with the kids so he doesnt get wore out and sick and then miss days of school and work. 

I have not completed today's dare just yet.  Although it is only 12...so I will complete and then update on what happens. :)

I would like to add that I am not jealous of Dave in any way.  I am jealous of the situations we put ourselves into and I have told him this.  He has a very good best friend who is married and they have been married for years.  Dave has known these people for years as well so they have history together.  When we all get together I sometimes feel left out because they have stories they can share and I can't relate to those stories.  They talk about back in the day and they have discussed old girlfirends and college days and etc etc.  I do get, I guess, a little jealous in that area because no one wants to imagine there spouse with anyone but them.  So trying NOT to picture that is hard.  Its been a lot easier, but I still have those thoughts in the back of my head.  Am I really the one he wants? Am I good enough?  Does he ever think of someone else while with me?  Does he ever wonder what it would be like if he was still with someone else?  Most of his exes are not worthy of his time, but I know he doesnt have any hard feelings towards one in particular.  So I think I mostly wonder what he wonders about her.  This is where mostly all of my jealousy lies in.  I want to be the best at everything for him.  Sometimes I feel I fail in some areas and I try to make up for it in other areas.  I just hope he appreciates everything that I do do and never thinks what if...but I guess as a human being that is only natural.  : / sadly saying.....

Yesterday I texted Dave and I said that todays challenge I had to think of a recent success that he had acomplished and asked for his help.  He said "None, Ima slacker."  I texted back and said "Well, I can only really think of is that you have completed your first year of college.  Im thankful and so glad that you did, but it just seems so cliche for me to be out of the blue like Hye babe! Its been a few months, but Im so glad you finished your first year of college!!"  and sent laughed and that was pretty much the end of my challenge.  Im not jealous of Dave's success. I want him to succeed.  I want him to continue to go to college and make more money then I do and I want him to be happy.  I have never been jealous of his achievements.  I am very proud of him and hope he continues to be proud of himself in these successes.

Favorite Phrase:

I dont really have one today.  I dont feel jealous of Dave's acomplishments and I never have.  I love him with all my heart and I am proud of everything that he does.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Day 7 - Love believes the best

Today's Dare

For todays dare, get 2 sheets of paper.  On the first  one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse.  Then do the same with negative things about your spouse.  Place both sheets in a secret place for another day.  There is a different purpose and plan for each.  At some point during the remainer of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

Which list was easier to make?  What did this reveal about your thoughts?  What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?

At lunch I conducted both of my lists. Going into this dare I initially thought the list of the bad would be the easiest.  Much to my surprise the list of the good was MUCH easier.  Below is the list of good that I was able to compile: smells good, sexy, funny, musular, cute butt, thick hair, good dad, good husband, manly, intelligent, good provider, good work ethic, dependable, independent, good cook, not lazy, sesnse of humor, friendly to public, not a complainer, has hobbies, social drinker only, non-smoker, clean, well groomed..mostly :), handles own issues, no drama with family, good family values, honest, respectful, GOOD sex and not a crowd follower.

I think this was a very well thought out dare.  If I wouldve done this dare as the very first one I think the bad list would have been easier to come up with. 

I sent Dave a text today in regards to this dare and it came from the heart.  I thanked him for getting up so early to provide for us and then for taking care of the girls and putting up with my bitch attitude. 

Favorite Phrase:

Again, the whole chapter ties together and I would have to write the entire thing in order for it to make any sense.  This chapter explains how there are two corridors in your heart..the dark room and the appreciate room.  The appreciate room has memories of all the good things about your spouse, it points out that most of those good thoughts were instilled when I was getting to know Dave and the dark room was created after I had been hurt or after a fight or anything negative that had happened.  It says the more we visit each room the more our hearts tend to want to stay there.  The love dare tells me to stay away from the dark room and to visit the appreciation room more often to sit down and read the wall over and over again and the only time I should visit the dark room is to write "Covered with Love" 

Day 6 - Love is Not Irritable

Today's Dare

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.  Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule.  Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

Where do you need to add margin to your life?  When have you recently overracted?  What was your real motivation behind it?  What decisions have you made today?

This is a tough one.  Honestly, I had no idea what it met.  I had to ask multiple people what the dare was actually asking...so I will do my best here.

I am maxed out everywhere.  I need to add margin to my morning routine for one.  Im exhausted because I have children that want to stay up all hours of the night, I have to pee constantly, I am having sooo many weird dreams so all of these factors cause me to want to sleep in until the absolute latest I can in the morning so Im running around rushing, getting the girls ready and yes causing me to be irritated.

I honestly can't think of anything else right now to specifically add margin too..but I know there is much much more. 

I overreact a lot.  I mean A LOT.  Im pretty sure most of it is due to my raging pregnancy horomones right now but every little thing turns into something huge with Dave.  He can say one thing and I can twist it and bend it and make it all fucked up and get pissed.  One recent argument was his new dipping hobby.  He didn't tell me about it because I never asked, was his reasoning.  So I twisted that into well, if he can't tell me about something that dumb then when can he talk to me?  Obviously, he can't.  Because I blow stuff out of porportion and twist them up and make it an even worse situation then what it was.

Today, I have decided to practice patience.  I think I do this everyday.  When I find myself getting mad and irritated with Dave I just repeat in my head, practice patience, practice patience, practice patience...until I am calmed down enough to rationalize why I am mad. 

Things are still getting better.  Random hugs, kisses goodnight and he sat at the kitchen table with us last night.  So small things are adding up to bigger better things.  Nothing is back to normal just yet, but we are slowly getting there. 

Ill finish later, I need to finish dinner and get the girls settled and deal with whiney children.

Favorite Phrase

When under pressure, love doesn't turn sour.  Minor problems don't yield major reactions.  The turth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate andjust reason in the sight of God.  A loving Husband will remain calm and patient, showing mercy and retraining his temper.  Rage and violence are out of the question.  A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional self-control.  She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.

This is the exact opposite of what we are.  We are the bad in both of these statements.  I know I am sensitive and cranky and most of the time can't  exercise emotional self-control.  I know one example was today.  Dave's phone rang and I answered it.  It was True Gree Lawn Service.  The called once before he just hung up on them.  He wants to cancel the service but has yet to do that.  I asked him if he wanted me to find out what they wanted and I didn't understand him because his mouth was full of dip so he took the phone from me and hung up on them again.  He then spit in the sink and said You couldve asked them but you just stood there.  He hurt my feelings because I think he is overly snappy with me today.  I know he is tired and I know he is tired because he stayed up so late last night playing his game.  I have tried to be calm and understanding with him and practice patience every single day. But it wearing on me.  I am tired of being the one trying to make this work.  I do intend to finish what I started but it is HARD!  Sometimes I want to slap this book right up side his head and tell him to read it!  But I know pointing out what portions I think would fit him well is selfishness.  I need to focus on myself for now.  For I am still on my quest......wish me luck..I am becoming weak in my long journey.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Day 5 - Love is Not Rude

Today's Dare

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you.  You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior.  This is from their perspective only.

What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention?  How did you handle hearing it?  What do you plan to do to improve these areas?

((NOTE::  I started this section about 9pm last night))  I wanted to start something since we are sitting next to each other and we are not in bad moods.  He said when I am not annoying that he can not come up with anything. So I said Wouldnt annoying be one thing then?  He doesnt think so.  So I was just staring at him and he said What?  I said, Im just watching you play your game waiting for answers and he said Well, that look you are giving me is annoying.  I said What look is that...and he made some messed up face...that I didnt think I was making quit frankly.  So...Im going to put annoying as number 1. 

This may be a tough dare.  If I cant get answers from him, then how can I keep going on with each dare to complete the challenge?  Do I skip it and come back or do I continue to go on or do I sit here and actually wait for answers?  I told him that with the book that I got I need to know these things.  He asked what book I got and I told him I couldnt tell him anymore then that and I needed his input in order to complete this and that I would tell him at the end of it.

I would also like to add that this a prime example of..we dont have communication. If he cant explain to me what he doesnt like about me how am I supossed to change and make things better?  How do I continue to go on?  I dont know what else to say to him to make him give me answers.  I guess I just give up and move on.  At least I got a half way one answer from him.  I thought this dare might be a little bit easier.....guess it just gets harder from here on out.  Fingers crossed once again that we can get through this dare......

Im back today..on actually Day 5.  I closed with what is above and told him I was going to bed.  He made a kissing noise and said "Can I have a kiss?"  So I leaned over and gave him one and said "You have till 10pm tomorrow ((meaning now..tonight at 10pm)) to give me 2 more answers to help me finish today's dare.  Soo..hopefully I will be able to update later tonight.

On the annoying answer, honestly Im not at all sure how to fix it.  The last time he said I was annoying we were just joking around and he was laughing and I was laughing..he never came out and told me to stop.  So I didnt know I was being annoying.  I like to laugh and joke and have fun. That is me.  So I guess Ill have to ask him to tell me when Im being annoying so I can stop doing what Im doing that is annoying him so much.

FINALLLLLLLLLYYYYYY............

1.  I hate how you come down the stairs 50,000 times and say are you coming to bed yet, are you coming to bed yet, are you coming to bed yet?

2.  I hate how you tell the kids they can't do something and then 10 mins later you let them do it.

3.  I hate how you start something and then move onto something else and then onto something else then go back to the first one and finish it. 

So my idea to fix these things...I dont come downstairs 50,000 and ask him when he is coming to bed. I will stick to my word on the kids and for my ocd cleaning..I will try to work on that.

Favorite Phrase:

Do you wish your spouse would quit doing things that bother you?  Then it's time to stop doing things that bother them.  Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate?  Will you dare to be delightful?

I do wish Dave would stop doing things.  For instance..stop dipping, stop staying up really late every night and stop farting so much.  LOL...but really..these are the things I bitch about the most.  So I guess I could stop bitching about them..because I know that makes life unpleasant for him.  But I like the way it asks you if you want your spouse to stop doing things and then turns around and says..well..then you stop it too.  Basically 2 wrongs dont make a right kind of thing.  I know my Mom has always instilled that into my head.

Day 4 - Love is Thoughtful

Today's Dare

Contact your Spouse sometime during the buisness of the day.  Have no agenda other than asking how He or She is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

What did you learn about yourself or your Spouse by doing this today?  How could this become more natural , routine, and genuinely helpful part of your life?

This one is going to be hard.  Today I have an agenda.  My sisters baby shower is today and that is my main objective to tackle today.  Although I did ask him if he wanted me to make some coffee.  He said sure and was thankful for that.  The days are getting better.  Today he put his feet on me and kind of joked around with me.  Dave then flipped around and put his head in my lap. We watched a movie together today and when he left for the start of the baby shower he actually gave me a kiss!!  I cant tell you the last time we have kissed when leaving the room or going out of each others presence.  He even said he loved me when he left. 

Favorite Phrase:

I have a ton and I want to just hit on what the whole chapter is about.  I have guest arriving so I will have to long on later tonight and go over the rest of the things I love about the chapter.  It points out a ton of things that really hit close to home.  I'll be back later.

So, Im back..the shower was pretty fun, and I ate a TON!! :)

Back to the phrases I enjoy.  Mostly this chapter was about how you can be thoughtful.  It explains how a women is more thoughtful then a man and how the women was designed for the man.  To be the perfect couple.  Thoughtfulness came naturally when you first got together with your mate and soon faded afterwards.  It talks about how men say exactly what they mean and a women becomes upset because she thinks it is obvious why she is upset and then the man doesnt understand why he is being punished because it is as black and white in his eyes.  It also asks the question, When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understan and demonstrate love to your spouse?  I can honestly say, since I have picked up this book it has always been about..why doesnt he say he loves me, why doesnt he kiss me, why doesnt he try to have sex with me?  When I could be saying I love him and I could be kissing him and I could be trying to pursue sex a little more.  This all falls under the selfishness I have been having.  I am a selfish person.  It has always been about me, me and more me.  Never about how he feels.  So this chapter again, was written for me! <3

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Day 3- Love Is Not Selfish

Today's Dare

Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more importate to you.  It's hard to care for something you are not investing in.  Along with restraining from negative comments , buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."

What did you choose to give your spouse?  What happened when you gave it?

Today I got up early and took the kids to Burger King and got all of us, including Dave some pancakes.  So, I dont know if I shouldve counted that my gift so when I went to Walmart I found a small banquet blueberry and cherry pie.  Blueberry is his favorite...so I got it.  I only got one..only one for him.  He hasnt seen it yet because he is still sleeping. 

Last night he gave me a hug.  I was walking through the living room and he was walking towards me and stopped me and actually gave me a hug.  Small victories like that make this dare worth it.  Last night I asked him to come to bed before the sun came up and he said he would and by golly he did.  He slept in the bed with me.  Another small victory.  Every little victory is a huge step in the right direction.  I have practiced patience with Dave today as well.  He is supossed to be mowing the grass, but he is sleeping. But I am also slacking.  I am to be cleaning for the shower tomorrow but instead I am here. 

Once he wakes up and I make dinner, I will make his small pie for him..just him. :) I cant wait to see his face. Hopefully he will give me a hug or kiss or something in appreciation..but I know I can't EXPECT anything...so Im not. Im just hoping. :) Wish me luck!!

Well, I told him about the pie when we were outside.  He said that he saw it and wondered what it was.  He never did say thank you or anything.  Last night we sat next to each other on the couch and watched a movie until I couldn't anymore and I went to bed.  He stayed down here and watched movies and played his computer game until after 2am.  I did come downstairs and got snotty because I feel we are making progress in most areas but I can not get him to come to bed with me at a decent hour.  I was dieing for a drink and actually was wondering if he had fallen asleep downstairs so I came down and got some iced tea..because SOMEONE drank the rest of the kool-aid and didnt refill it and I said to him "What do you need to stay up to at least 2 everyday before going to sleep?"  So I was kind of a bitch to him, and I will not justify that it was ok eventhough I really want him to see how hard Im trying and I will just continue onto the next dare.

Favorite Phrase:

Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expections for our mate?  The answer is a painful pill to swallow.  We are all selfish.

This too I like.  I feel like I want him to be at every whim for me but Im not sure I am at every whim for him 24/7.  I guess I will find out here later in the book.  And Im sorry for expecting soooo much from him when I know I dont expect a lot from myself.