Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Day 40 - Love is a Covenant 8/4/11

Todays Dare

Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home.  Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present.  Make it a living testament to the value of mariage in God's eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.

What has God revealed to you during the Love Dare?  How have your views of your marriage changed?  How committed are you to God and to your Spouse?  Who can you share this with as a testimony?

This I am saving for tomorrow......

So..its tomorrow...I am going to attempt this now and I think this is going to be tough.  I dont even know where to start.  This is why we used the normal vows for our wedding :) lol...but here goes..and I will stick these in the  book as well.  I want this to be more intimate as well and I dont think it's something that I need to share with the random blog readers. :)

Favorite Phrase

This book may end on Day 40.  But who says your dare has to stop? And as you view your marriage relationship from this point on, we challenge you to consider it a covenant instead of a contract.

A contract is a self-serving and comes with limited liability.  It establishes a time frame for certain deliverables to be met and accomplished.  A Covenant is to the benefit of others and comes with unlimited responsibility.  It has no expiration date.  It is "till death do us part."  A contract can be broken with mutual consent.   A covenant is inteded to be unbreakable.   

yeah..I like this. Perhaps I will start over..or try to remember what I have learned and just keep living by it.  Either way, it will be good for me and him both.

Day 39 - Love Endures 8/3/11

Today's Dare

Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve toyour spouse.  Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what.  Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.

What were some of the hesitations you had in writing this letter.  How do you expect your spouse to respond to it?  How did God help you in writing it, and what did the process teach you about yourself.

I am going to write the letter tonight before bed. I am not going to post it on here because I think it should be a personal letter just to him.  I know some people read this blog, but this I want to be just to him and not for everyone to see.  The Love Dare has opened my eyes and really taught me about myself and how I look at things.  I know Im selfish and self centered.  I believe I have changed and I really hope that Dave sees I have changed for the better as well.

So today I did this dare because I couldnt find any paper last night. I stuck my letter in the book so i know he will find it.  This letter was not hard to write.  I explained what I had learned, what I had gone through and what I intend and hope for the future.  This book has taught me so much about myself and I hope that anyone that reads my blog or hears about the love dare at the very least just reads it. 

Favorite Phrase

Love Never Fails

Enough said.......

Day 38 - Love Fulfills Dreams 8/3/11

Todays Dare

Ask yourself what you rmate would want if it was obtainable.  Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some, if not all, of their desires, to whatever leve you possibly can.

What has made you resistant to fulfilling your mate's desires in the past?  How would it change your relationship if they knew their dreams were a priority to you?  What desires are you attempting to meet?

Well, on this one..I will guess what I think he wants and then I am going to update with what he tells me he wants.

I think he would like to be debt free.  He would like to travel.  He would like to retire.  He would like to update our house a little more.  He would like a different vehicle..a jeep or even a truck as long as gas mileage is good enoug. :) He would like well behaved children.  He would like a Son.  Im sure he would like more freedom in our marriage..without me hounding him with questions about personal matters and gaming..etc etc.  Im sure he would like a break from trying to "please" me and take care of my crazy pregnancy issues and horomones.  He would like to not have to pay the bills and balance the check book.  He would like bigger tvs.

I would love to be debt free and to travel.  I would like to retire.  Updating our house some would be nice.  I would not oppose to him having a vehicle he likes.  Behanved children..of course.  We tried for a Son and are blessed with another Daughter.  I try not to hound him about things I should leave alone.  I try not to be so dependent upon him and having him lift my spirits up when they are down.  I have been trying to balance the check book when I can to relieve him of that stress.  I want him to be happy as much as I want to be happy.

His goals -
I said - If you had an unlimited amount of money and time..what things would you want or want to do or visit...etc etc.
He said - move to Hawaii, buy a yacht, skydive, more tattoos, buy a subaru maxed out, motorcycle, speak spanish, 60 inch 3-d tv....and he cant think of anything right now. :) lol

I would be up for moving to Hawaii and getting a yacht, Id wave from down below as he skydives, Id drive the subaru :) ride on the back of the motorcycle, no interest in speaking spanish and Id watch the TV.

Now..what can actually be achieved for real??  mmm...MAYBE tats, skydiving and once the kids are older..the new vehicle, motorcyle and tv.  So we shall see.

Favorite Phrase

Common sense tells us we can't give our wife or husband everything they might like.  Our budgets and account balances tell us we probably couldn't afford it anyway. And even if we could, it might not be good for us. Or for them.

Love sometimes needs to be extravagant.  To go all out.  It sometimes needs to set aside the technicalities and just bless because it wants to.

Not everything your spouse wants has a heafty price tag.  Not everything he or she desires can be bought with money.  Your wife may really want your time.  She may really want your attention.  She may really want to be treated like a lady, to know that her husband considers her his greatest treasure.  She may really want to see in your eyes a love that chooses to be there no matter what

***AMEN!!!!!!!!!! *** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

You husband may really want your respect.  He may really want you to acknowledge him as the head of the house in front of the children.  He may really want you to put your arms around his neck for no apparent reason, surprising him witha long kiss or a love note when there's not evena  birthday or anniversary to justify it.  He may really need to know that you still think he's strong and handsome, the way you used to.

Dreams and desires come in all shapes and sizes.  But love take careful notice of each one.

Day 37 - Love agrees in Prayer 8/3/11

Today's Dare

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together.  Talk about the best time to do this, whether it's in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime.  Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreement, and needs before the Lord.  don't forget to thank Him for His provisions and blessing.  Even if your Spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

What can you do to help your mate be wiling for the two of you to begin praying together?  If you agreed to pray together, what was it like?  What did you learn from it?

I actually have been thinking about involving the girls and us in dinner prayer.  I used to do it as a kid and then our family grew out of it.  We are not big bible thumpers but we do believe in a higher power and things come to those who do believe.  So I will discuss this option with him tonight and see if he thinks it's a good idea. Lex has been asking me about Jesus and death and everything anyway, so I think this will help her learn as well.  Im going to make this a family event.

Favorite Phrase

Not really sure I have one today...

Day 36 - Love is God's Word 8/3/11

Today's Dare

Commit to reading the Bible every day.  Find a devotional book or otehr resource that will give you some guidance.  If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily bible reading with you.  Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.

What parts of your life are in the greatest need of God's counsel?  Where do you feel the must susceptible to failure?  What are you asking God to show you through His Word?

I try to read some...but I am not a good person to understand the bible. I think areas that need improvement in my life are my attitude and I think we need help with our finances now.  It kinda sucks that the house payment has gone up.  Im not really sure how we are going to wing it.

mm..and ok..Im cheating..I took a 1 day dare and made it turn into 10 Im going to try and finish the dare earlier now. :) So..Im doing multiple dares in one day because these last 4 dont seem too difficult.

Favorite Phrase

Every aspect of your life that you submit to, God's princeiples will grove stronger and more long-lasting over time.  But any part you withhold from Him, choosing instead to try your own hand at it, will weaken and eventually fail with the storms of life hit you.  It may, in fact, be the one area that hastens the downfall ofyour home and marriage.

mm...I just like that.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Day 35- Love is Accountable 8/3/11

Today's Dare

Find a marriage mentor, someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you.  If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment.  during this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.

Who did you choose?  Why did you selete this person?  What do you hope to learn from them?

I have a few people that I feel I can talk to about my marriage issues.  I reached out to my Pastor at one of the lowest points in my relationship and I feel that he turned his back on me.  So I no longer reach out to him.  I want to do counseling but I KNOWWW we cant afford it.  Im not just making up an excuse, but when they want to charge 140.00 for a hour for one session....that is ridiculous!!  That is the whole reason why I started to do the love dare.  I was personally at my wits end. I feel I had run into a brick wall and I had a huge hole in my chest and I had no idea how to make things better. I was upset and angry and bitter and I cried soooo hard many nights due to frustration and heartach that I was ready to walk, totally give up and just leave.  But someone told me to take the dare. So for the sake of my marriage and sanity I did.  with 5 days left I am going to say that I do feel that things have gotten slightly better.  I am still bitter and angry with somethings and I honestly can't believe or even begin to fathum how he can be so blind to what is wrong.  I have confided in the love dare as if it were my bible.  I have prayed for him and us and everything in between. I have left everything in God's hands.  All I can do is finish the last 5 days and ask Dave to read the love dare.  I dont expect him to do the dare but I would LOVE it if he were to atleast read and it and have some self reflection because I feel he is selfish.  He is self centered and it is ridiculous.  I have held my tounge, I have loved, I have given in, I have let things be, I have forgiven, I have done everything in my power to stay sane and hold this marriage together but I can not do it alone.  Im feeling smashed and I can't hold all the weight while he sits and games or just ignores life as it revolves around him.  I can not continue on like this.   I pray that God opens his eyes, ears and heart once I place the love dare in his hands.  Please Dave, do this for us. 

SOOOO..yesterday I didn't hold my tounge at lunch hour. I explained to him how I feel unappreciated and unloved and how he can tell someone thank you for handing him a receipt and he can't take two seconds to kiss my bye in the morning.  So this morning I got a kiss and a hug and it just blew me away.  He also told me he has a quit date for his dipping which threw me off as well.  So today I am extremely happy.

Favorite Phrase

Gaining wise counsel is like having a detailed road map and a personal guide while traveling on a long, challenging journey.  It can be the difference between continual success or the destruction of another mariage.  It is vital that you invite strong couples to share the wisdom that have gained through their own successes and failures.

Why waste years of your life learning painful lessons when you could discover those same truths during a few hours of wise counsel?  Why not cross the bridges others have built?  Wisdom is more valuable than gold.  Not receiving it is like letting priceless coins pass through your fingers. 

You and your spouse need these types of friends and mentors on a consistent basis. 

THIS IS THE EXACT FREAKING REASON WHY I TALK TO PEOPLE DAVID!!! It's not good to hold it all in!  People will tell me when Im wrong when I think Im right and when I know Im right and they agree with me!  YOU Need to talk to someone and stop holding everything in!  You are not right all the time and you are wrong ALOT of the time.  You need someone to tell you when you are wrong and you need to listen to them!  You dont want to listen to me or any family members so find someone!  For the sake of the marriage!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Day 34 - Love celebrates godliness 8/2/11

Today's Dare

Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way.  Verabally commend them for this at some point.

What example did you choose to recognize.  How many other ways could you celebrate their growth in godliness?  How could you encourage them to persevere in it?

Dave is always nice to random strangers.  He told me once that a lady was trying to pay for something and her debit card was denied or she couldnt find it or something while he was in line at the grocery store but he didnt know exactly how much money we had so he couldnt pay for it but he wanted to.  I cant remember the exactness of the story but this is the gist of it.  Im glad he's nice to random people because that is good in God's eyes and Im selfish for being jealous of it.  But I am and he knows I am. 

Favorite Phrase

Be happy for any success your spouse enjoys.  But save your heartiest congratulations for those times when they are honoring God with their worship and obedience. 

This I will have to try.