Today's Dare:
Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How will you change your greeting from this point on?
UGHHH todays dare is going to be HARD! Im stressed out and I dont feel like being nice! I guess this was bound to happen. Frustration is kicking in with the dares and living life normally at home. Please pray I can get through this dare and keep my patience and sanity!
I plan to greet Dave, regardless how mad I am and frustrated I am with him in a nice and loving way today after work. Im just going to walk in the door..put my stuff down and give him a kiss and ask how his day was. I think I will try to do that everyday. That way I dont want in the door and bam..Im bitching. I think this will help so he's not on the defense as soon as I shut the door.
I walked in the door, made the girls a snack and went and gave him a kiss and asked him how his day was. I think I can do that every day. It did keep me from blowing up from being mad earlier. I didnt come in and have a bitchy attitude and he wasnt on the defensive with my attitude. Therefore, we didnt fight.
We have made a little bit of progress tonight. We have had conversation about random things and we actually just got out of the shower! I honestly don't remember the last time that we had taken a shower together. It is another small victory and I am so freaking excited you all have no idea!!
I took a small nap and and then he fell asleep. While he was sleeping I ran out to Steak n Shake and got me a large cherry limeade and grabbed him a large chocolate shake. I woke him up and I gave him the shake. He also ate the pie I got for him last weekend and said he liked it. Whoo hoo for the .77 splurge. :) Anyway, have a great night every..I think Im going to cuddle up on the couch with my man!
Favorite Phrase:
When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases. You feel more important and valued. That's because a good greeting sets the stage for positive and healthy interaction. Like love, it puts wind in your sails.
AMEN....that is all Im going to say to that...AMEN.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Day 8- Love is Not Jealous
Today's Dare
Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on thier achievements, take yesterday's list or negative attribustes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?
The list was not hard to destroy at all. I actually just shredded it here at work. I smiled and said "bye bye negative things!!" Im only focusing on the positive ones!! Positive things to celebrate in Dave's life...well..He is currently in college and has finished his first year. He just recently got a raise. We have a baby on the way and he has finally gotten to the final level on his game!!! Now that is something Im THRILLED about! Although he continues to play it, it doesnt seem as much as he used to. Thankfully! :)
I can encourage Dave to continue doing what he is doing. He needs to continue to go to class and go to work and I can help him get his sleep and do as much as I can around the house and with the kids so he doesnt get wore out and sick and then miss days of school and work.
I have not completed today's dare just yet. Although it is only 12...so I will complete and then update on what happens. :)
I would like to add that I am not jealous of Dave in any way. I am jealous of the situations we put ourselves into and I have told him this. He has a very good best friend who is married and they have been married for years. Dave has known these people for years as well so they have history together. When we all get together I sometimes feel left out because they have stories they can share and I can't relate to those stories. They talk about back in the day and they have discussed old girlfirends and college days and etc etc. I do get, I guess, a little jealous in that area because no one wants to imagine there spouse with anyone but them. So trying NOT to picture that is hard. Its been a lot easier, but I still have those thoughts in the back of my head. Am I really the one he wants? Am I good enough? Does he ever think of someone else while with me? Does he ever wonder what it would be like if he was still with someone else? Most of his exes are not worthy of his time, but I know he doesnt have any hard feelings towards one in particular. So I think I mostly wonder what he wonders about her. This is where mostly all of my jealousy lies in. I want to be the best at everything for him. Sometimes I feel I fail in some areas and I try to make up for it in other areas. I just hope he appreciates everything that I do do and never thinks what if...but I guess as a human being that is only natural. : / sadly saying.....
Yesterday I texted Dave and I said that todays challenge I had to think of a recent success that he had acomplished and asked for his help. He said "None, Ima slacker." I texted back and said "Well, I can only really think of is that you have completed your first year of college. Im thankful and so glad that you did, but it just seems so cliche for me to be out of the blue like Hye babe! Its been a few months, but Im so glad you finished your first year of college!!" and sent laughed and that was pretty much the end of my challenge. Im not jealous of Dave's success. I want him to succeed. I want him to continue to go to college and make more money then I do and I want him to be happy. I have never been jealous of his achievements. I am very proud of him and hope he continues to be proud of himself in these successes.
Favorite Phrase:
I dont really have one today. I dont feel jealous of Dave's acomplishments and I never have. I love him with all my heart and I am proud of everything that he does.
Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on thier achievements, take yesterday's list or negative attribustes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?
The list was not hard to destroy at all. I actually just shredded it here at work. I smiled and said "bye bye negative things!!" Im only focusing on the positive ones!! Positive things to celebrate in Dave's life...well..He is currently in college and has finished his first year. He just recently got a raise. We have a baby on the way and he has finally gotten to the final level on his game!!! Now that is something Im THRILLED about! Although he continues to play it, it doesnt seem as much as he used to. Thankfully! :)
I can encourage Dave to continue doing what he is doing. He needs to continue to go to class and go to work and I can help him get his sleep and do as much as I can around the house and with the kids so he doesnt get wore out and sick and then miss days of school and work.
I have not completed today's dare just yet. Although it is only 12...so I will complete and then update on what happens. :)
I would like to add that I am not jealous of Dave in any way. I am jealous of the situations we put ourselves into and I have told him this. He has a very good best friend who is married and they have been married for years. Dave has known these people for years as well so they have history together. When we all get together I sometimes feel left out because they have stories they can share and I can't relate to those stories. They talk about back in the day and they have discussed old girlfirends and college days and etc etc. I do get, I guess, a little jealous in that area because no one wants to imagine there spouse with anyone but them. So trying NOT to picture that is hard. Its been a lot easier, but I still have those thoughts in the back of my head. Am I really the one he wants? Am I good enough? Does he ever think of someone else while with me? Does he ever wonder what it would be like if he was still with someone else? Most of his exes are not worthy of his time, but I know he doesnt have any hard feelings towards one in particular. So I think I mostly wonder what he wonders about her. This is where mostly all of my jealousy lies in. I want to be the best at everything for him. Sometimes I feel I fail in some areas and I try to make up for it in other areas. I just hope he appreciates everything that I do do and never thinks what if...but I guess as a human being that is only natural. : / sadly saying.....
Yesterday I texted Dave and I said that todays challenge I had to think of a recent success that he had acomplished and asked for his help. He said "None, Ima slacker." I texted back and said "Well, I can only really think of is that you have completed your first year of college. Im thankful and so glad that you did, but it just seems so cliche for me to be out of the blue like Hye babe! Its been a few months, but Im so glad you finished your first year of college!!" and sent laughed and that was pretty much the end of my challenge. Im not jealous of Dave's success. I want him to succeed. I want him to continue to go to college and make more money then I do and I want him to be happy. I have never been jealous of his achievements. I am very proud of him and hope he continues to be proud of himself in these successes.
Favorite Phrase:
I dont really have one today. I dont feel jealous of Dave's acomplishments and I never have. I love him with all my heart and I am proud of everything that he does.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Day 7 - Love believes the best
Today's Dare
For todays dare, get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things about your spouse. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainer of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?
At lunch I conducted both of my lists. Going into this dare I initially thought the list of the bad would be the easiest. Much to my surprise the list of the good was MUCH easier. Below is the list of good that I was able to compile: smells good, sexy, funny, musular, cute butt, thick hair, good dad, good husband, manly, intelligent, good provider, good work ethic, dependable, independent, good cook, not lazy, sesnse of humor, friendly to public, not a complainer, has hobbies, social drinker only, non-smoker, clean, well groomed..mostly :), handles own issues, no drama with family, good family values, honest, respectful, GOOD sex and not a crowd follower.
I think this was a very well thought out dare. If I wouldve done this dare as the very first one I think the bad list would have been easier to come up with.
I sent Dave a text today in regards to this dare and it came from the heart. I thanked him for getting up so early to provide for us and then for taking care of the girls and putting up with my bitch attitude.
Favorite Phrase:
Again, the whole chapter ties together and I would have to write the entire thing in order for it to make any sense. This chapter explains how there are two corridors in your heart..the dark room and the appreciate room. The appreciate room has memories of all the good things about your spouse, it points out that most of those good thoughts were instilled when I was getting to know Dave and the dark room was created after I had been hurt or after a fight or anything negative that had happened. It says the more we visit each room the more our hearts tend to want to stay there. The love dare tells me to stay away from the dark room and to visit the appreciation room more often to sit down and read the wall over and over again and the only time I should visit the dark room is to write "Covered with Love"
For todays dare, get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things about your spouse. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainer of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?
At lunch I conducted both of my lists. Going into this dare I initially thought the list of the bad would be the easiest. Much to my surprise the list of the good was MUCH easier. Below is the list of good that I was able to compile: smells good, sexy, funny, musular, cute butt, thick hair, good dad, good husband, manly, intelligent, good provider, good work ethic, dependable, independent, good cook, not lazy, sesnse of humor, friendly to public, not a complainer, has hobbies, social drinker only, non-smoker, clean, well groomed..mostly :), handles own issues, no drama with family, good family values, honest, respectful, GOOD sex and not a crowd follower.
I think this was a very well thought out dare. If I wouldve done this dare as the very first one I think the bad list would have been easier to come up with.
I sent Dave a text today in regards to this dare and it came from the heart. I thanked him for getting up so early to provide for us and then for taking care of the girls and putting up with my bitch attitude.
Favorite Phrase:
Again, the whole chapter ties together and I would have to write the entire thing in order for it to make any sense. This chapter explains how there are two corridors in your heart..the dark room and the appreciate room. The appreciate room has memories of all the good things about your spouse, it points out that most of those good thoughts were instilled when I was getting to know Dave and the dark room was created after I had been hurt or after a fight or anything negative that had happened. It says the more we visit each room the more our hearts tend to want to stay there. The love dare tells me to stay away from the dark room and to visit the appreciation room more often to sit down and read the wall over and over again and the only time I should visit the dark room is to write "Covered with Love"
Day 6 - Love is Not Irritable
Today's Dare
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overracted? What was your real motivation behind it? What decisions have you made today?
This is a tough one. Honestly, I had no idea what it met. I had to ask multiple people what the dare was actually asking...so I will do my best here.
I am maxed out everywhere. I need to add margin to my morning routine for one. Im exhausted because I have children that want to stay up all hours of the night, I have to pee constantly, I am having sooo many weird dreams so all of these factors cause me to want to sleep in until the absolute latest I can in the morning so Im running around rushing, getting the girls ready and yes causing me to be irritated.
I honestly can't think of anything else right now to specifically add margin too..but I know there is much much more.
I overreact a lot. I mean A LOT. Im pretty sure most of it is due to my raging pregnancy horomones right now but every little thing turns into something huge with Dave. He can say one thing and I can twist it and bend it and make it all fucked up and get pissed. One recent argument was his new dipping hobby. He didn't tell me about it because I never asked, was his reasoning. So I twisted that into well, if he can't tell me about something that dumb then when can he talk to me? Obviously, he can't. Because I blow stuff out of porportion and twist them up and make it an even worse situation then what it was.
Today, I have decided to practice patience. I think I do this everyday. When I find myself getting mad and irritated with Dave I just repeat in my head, practice patience, practice patience, practice patience...until I am calmed down enough to rationalize why I am mad.
Things are still getting better. Random hugs, kisses goodnight and he sat at the kitchen table with us last night. So small things are adding up to bigger better things. Nothing is back to normal just yet, but we are slowly getting there.
Ill finish later, I need to finish dinner and get the girls settled and deal with whiney children.
Favorite Phrase
When under pressure, love doesn't turn sour. Minor problems don't yield major reactions. The turth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate andjust reason in the sight of God. A loving Husband will remain calm and patient, showing mercy and retraining his temper. Rage and violence are out of the question. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.
This is the exact opposite of what we are. We are the bad in both of these statements. I know I am sensitive and cranky and most of the time can't exercise emotional self-control. I know one example was today. Dave's phone rang and I answered it. It was True Gree Lawn Service. The called once before he just hung up on them. He wants to cancel the service but has yet to do that. I asked him if he wanted me to find out what they wanted and I didn't understand him because his mouth was full of dip so he took the phone from me and hung up on them again. He then spit in the sink and said You couldve asked them but you just stood there. He hurt my feelings because I think he is overly snappy with me today. I know he is tired and I know he is tired because he stayed up so late last night playing his game. I have tried to be calm and understanding with him and practice patience every single day. But it wearing on me. I am tired of being the one trying to make this work. I do intend to finish what I started but it is HARD! Sometimes I want to slap this book right up side his head and tell him to read it! But I know pointing out what portions I think would fit him well is selfishness. I need to focus on myself for now. For I am still on my quest......wish me luck..I am becoming weak in my long journey.
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overracted? What was your real motivation behind it? What decisions have you made today?
This is a tough one. Honestly, I had no idea what it met. I had to ask multiple people what the dare was actually asking...so I will do my best here.
I am maxed out everywhere. I need to add margin to my morning routine for one. Im exhausted because I have children that want to stay up all hours of the night, I have to pee constantly, I am having sooo many weird dreams so all of these factors cause me to want to sleep in until the absolute latest I can in the morning so Im running around rushing, getting the girls ready and yes causing me to be irritated.
I honestly can't think of anything else right now to specifically add margin too..but I know there is much much more.
I overreact a lot. I mean A LOT. Im pretty sure most of it is due to my raging pregnancy horomones right now but every little thing turns into something huge with Dave. He can say one thing and I can twist it and bend it and make it all fucked up and get pissed. One recent argument was his new dipping hobby. He didn't tell me about it because I never asked, was his reasoning. So I twisted that into well, if he can't tell me about something that dumb then when can he talk to me? Obviously, he can't. Because I blow stuff out of porportion and twist them up and make it an even worse situation then what it was.
Today, I have decided to practice patience. I think I do this everyday. When I find myself getting mad and irritated with Dave I just repeat in my head, practice patience, practice patience, practice patience...until I am calmed down enough to rationalize why I am mad.
Things are still getting better. Random hugs, kisses goodnight and he sat at the kitchen table with us last night. So small things are adding up to bigger better things. Nothing is back to normal just yet, but we are slowly getting there.
Ill finish later, I need to finish dinner and get the girls settled and deal with whiney children.
Favorite Phrase
When under pressure, love doesn't turn sour. Minor problems don't yield major reactions. The turth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate andjust reason in the sight of God. A loving Husband will remain calm and patient, showing mercy and retraining his temper. Rage and violence are out of the question. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.
This is the exact opposite of what we are. We are the bad in both of these statements. I know I am sensitive and cranky and most of the time can't exercise emotional self-control. I know one example was today. Dave's phone rang and I answered it. It was True Gree Lawn Service. The called once before he just hung up on them. He wants to cancel the service but has yet to do that. I asked him if he wanted me to find out what they wanted and I didn't understand him because his mouth was full of dip so he took the phone from me and hung up on them again. He then spit in the sink and said You couldve asked them but you just stood there. He hurt my feelings because I think he is overly snappy with me today. I know he is tired and I know he is tired because he stayed up so late last night playing his game. I have tried to be calm and understanding with him and practice patience every single day. But it wearing on me. I am tired of being the one trying to make this work. I do intend to finish what I started but it is HARD! Sometimes I want to slap this book right up side his head and tell him to read it! But I know pointing out what portions I think would fit him well is selfishness. I need to focus on myself for now. For I am still on my quest......wish me luck..I am becoming weak in my long journey.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Day 5 - Love is Not Rude
Today's Dare
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?
((NOTE:: I started this section about 9pm last night)) I wanted to start something since we are sitting next to each other and we are not in bad moods. He said when I am not annoying that he can not come up with anything. So I said Wouldnt annoying be one thing then? He doesnt think so. So I was just staring at him and he said What? I said, Im just watching you play your game waiting for answers and he said Well, that look you are giving me is annoying. I said What look is that...and he made some messed up face...that I didnt think I was making quit frankly. So...Im going to put annoying as number 1.
This may be a tough dare. If I cant get answers from him, then how can I keep going on with each dare to complete the challenge? Do I skip it and come back or do I continue to go on or do I sit here and actually wait for answers? I told him that with the book that I got I need to know these things. He asked what book I got and I told him I couldnt tell him anymore then that and I needed his input in order to complete this and that I would tell him at the end of it.
I would also like to add that this a prime example of..we dont have communication. If he cant explain to me what he doesnt like about me how am I supossed to change and make things better? How do I continue to go on? I dont know what else to say to him to make him give me answers. I guess I just give up and move on. At least I got a half way one answer from him. I thought this dare might be a little bit easier.....guess it just gets harder from here on out. Fingers crossed once again that we can get through this dare......
Im back today..on actually Day 5. I closed with what is above and told him I was going to bed. He made a kissing noise and said "Can I have a kiss?" So I leaned over and gave him one and said "You have till 10pm tomorrow ((meaning now..tonight at 10pm)) to give me 2 more answers to help me finish today's dare. Soo..hopefully I will be able to update later tonight.
On the annoying answer, honestly Im not at all sure how to fix it. The last time he said I was annoying we were just joking around and he was laughing and I was laughing..he never came out and told me to stop. So I didnt know I was being annoying. I like to laugh and joke and have fun. That is me. So I guess Ill have to ask him to tell me when Im being annoying so I can stop doing what Im doing that is annoying him so much.
FINALLLLLLLLLYYYYYY............
1. I hate how you come down the stairs 50,000 times and say are you coming to bed yet, are you coming to bed yet, are you coming to bed yet?
2. I hate how you tell the kids they can't do something and then 10 mins later you let them do it.
3. I hate how you start something and then move onto something else and then onto something else then go back to the first one and finish it.
So my idea to fix these things...I dont come downstairs 50,000 and ask him when he is coming to bed. I will stick to my word on the kids and for my ocd cleaning..I will try to work on that.
Favorite Phrase:
Do you wish your spouse would quit doing things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
I do wish Dave would stop doing things. For instance..stop dipping, stop staying up really late every night and stop farting so much. LOL...but really..these are the things I bitch about the most. So I guess I could stop bitching about them..because I know that makes life unpleasant for him. But I like the way it asks you if you want your spouse to stop doing things and then turns around and says..well..then you stop it too. Basically 2 wrongs dont make a right kind of thing. I know my Mom has always instilled that into my head.
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?
((NOTE:: I started this section about 9pm last night)) I wanted to start something since we are sitting next to each other and we are not in bad moods. He said when I am not annoying that he can not come up with anything. So I said Wouldnt annoying be one thing then? He doesnt think so. So I was just staring at him and he said What? I said, Im just watching you play your game waiting for answers and he said Well, that look you are giving me is annoying. I said What look is that...and he made some messed up face...that I didnt think I was making quit frankly. So...Im going to put annoying as number 1.
This may be a tough dare. If I cant get answers from him, then how can I keep going on with each dare to complete the challenge? Do I skip it and come back or do I continue to go on or do I sit here and actually wait for answers? I told him that with the book that I got I need to know these things. He asked what book I got and I told him I couldnt tell him anymore then that and I needed his input in order to complete this and that I would tell him at the end of it.
I would also like to add that this a prime example of..we dont have communication. If he cant explain to me what he doesnt like about me how am I supossed to change and make things better? How do I continue to go on? I dont know what else to say to him to make him give me answers. I guess I just give up and move on. At least I got a half way one answer from him. I thought this dare might be a little bit easier.....guess it just gets harder from here on out. Fingers crossed once again that we can get through this dare......
Im back today..on actually Day 5. I closed with what is above and told him I was going to bed. He made a kissing noise and said "Can I have a kiss?" So I leaned over and gave him one and said "You have till 10pm tomorrow ((meaning now..tonight at 10pm)) to give me 2 more answers to help me finish today's dare. Soo..hopefully I will be able to update later tonight.
On the annoying answer, honestly Im not at all sure how to fix it. The last time he said I was annoying we were just joking around and he was laughing and I was laughing..he never came out and told me to stop. So I didnt know I was being annoying. I like to laugh and joke and have fun. That is me. So I guess Ill have to ask him to tell me when Im being annoying so I can stop doing what Im doing that is annoying him so much.
FINALLLLLLLLLYYYYYY............
1. I hate how you come down the stairs 50,000 times and say are you coming to bed yet, are you coming to bed yet, are you coming to bed yet?
2. I hate how you tell the kids they can't do something and then 10 mins later you let them do it.
3. I hate how you start something and then move onto something else and then onto something else then go back to the first one and finish it.
So my idea to fix these things...I dont come downstairs 50,000 and ask him when he is coming to bed. I will stick to my word on the kids and for my ocd cleaning..I will try to work on that.
Favorite Phrase:
Do you wish your spouse would quit doing things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
I do wish Dave would stop doing things. For instance..stop dipping, stop staying up really late every night and stop farting so much. LOL...but really..these are the things I bitch about the most. So I guess I could stop bitching about them..because I know that makes life unpleasant for him. But I like the way it asks you if you want your spouse to stop doing things and then turns around and says..well..then you stop it too. Basically 2 wrongs dont make a right kind of thing. I know my Mom has always instilled that into my head.
Day 4 - Love is Thoughtful
Today's Dare
Contact your Spouse sometime during the buisness of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how He or She is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
What did you learn about yourself or your Spouse by doing this today? How could this become more natural , routine, and genuinely helpful part of your life?
This one is going to be hard. Today I have an agenda. My sisters baby shower is today and that is my main objective to tackle today. Although I did ask him if he wanted me to make some coffee. He said sure and was thankful for that. The days are getting better. Today he put his feet on me and kind of joked around with me. Dave then flipped around and put his head in my lap. We watched a movie together today and when he left for the start of the baby shower he actually gave me a kiss!! I cant tell you the last time we have kissed when leaving the room or going out of each others presence. He even said he loved me when he left.
Favorite Phrase:
I have a ton and I want to just hit on what the whole chapter is about. I have guest arriving so I will have to long on later tonight and go over the rest of the things I love about the chapter. It points out a ton of things that really hit close to home. I'll be back later.
So, Im back..the shower was pretty fun, and I ate a TON!! :)
Back to the phrases I enjoy. Mostly this chapter was about how you can be thoughtful. It explains how a women is more thoughtful then a man and how the women was designed for the man. To be the perfect couple. Thoughtfulness came naturally when you first got together with your mate and soon faded afterwards. It talks about how men say exactly what they mean and a women becomes upset because she thinks it is obvious why she is upset and then the man doesnt understand why he is being punished because it is as black and white in his eyes. It also asks the question, When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understan and demonstrate love to your spouse? I can honestly say, since I have picked up this book it has always been about..why doesnt he say he loves me, why doesnt he kiss me, why doesnt he try to have sex with me? When I could be saying I love him and I could be kissing him and I could be trying to pursue sex a little more. This all falls under the selfishness I have been having. I am a selfish person. It has always been about me, me and more me. Never about how he feels. So this chapter again, was written for me! <3
Contact your Spouse sometime during the buisness of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how He or She is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
What did you learn about yourself or your Spouse by doing this today? How could this become more natural , routine, and genuinely helpful part of your life?
This one is going to be hard. Today I have an agenda. My sisters baby shower is today and that is my main objective to tackle today. Although I did ask him if he wanted me to make some coffee. He said sure and was thankful for that. The days are getting better. Today he put his feet on me and kind of joked around with me. Dave then flipped around and put his head in my lap. We watched a movie together today and when he left for the start of the baby shower he actually gave me a kiss!! I cant tell you the last time we have kissed when leaving the room or going out of each others presence. He even said he loved me when he left.
Favorite Phrase:
I have a ton and I want to just hit on what the whole chapter is about. I have guest arriving so I will have to long on later tonight and go over the rest of the things I love about the chapter. It points out a ton of things that really hit close to home. I'll be back later.
So, Im back..the shower was pretty fun, and I ate a TON!! :)
Back to the phrases I enjoy. Mostly this chapter was about how you can be thoughtful. It explains how a women is more thoughtful then a man and how the women was designed for the man. To be the perfect couple. Thoughtfulness came naturally when you first got together with your mate and soon faded afterwards. It talks about how men say exactly what they mean and a women becomes upset because she thinks it is obvious why she is upset and then the man doesnt understand why he is being punished because it is as black and white in his eyes. It also asks the question, When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understan and demonstrate love to your spouse? I can honestly say, since I have picked up this book it has always been about..why doesnt he say he loves me, why doesnt he kiss me, why doesnt he try to have sex with me? When I could be saying I love him and I could be kissing him and I could be trying to pursue sex a little more. This all falls under the selfishness I have been having. I am a selfish person. It has always been about me, me and more me. Never about how he feels. So this chapter again, was written for me! <3
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Day 3- Love Is Not Selfish
Today's Dare
Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more importate to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments , buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."
What did you choose to give your spouse? What happened when you gave it?
Today I got up early and took the kids to Burger King and got all of us, including Dave some pancakes. So, I dont know if I shouldve counted that my gift so when I went to Walmart I found a small banquet blueberry and cherry pie. Blueberry is his favorite...so I got it. I only got one..only one for him. He hasnt seen it yet because he is still sleeping.
Last night he gave me a hug. I was walking through the living room and he was walking towards me and stopped me and actually gave me a hug. Small victories like that make this dare worth it. Last night I asked him to come to bed before the sun came up and he said he would and by golly he did. He slept in the bed with me. Another small victory. Every little victory is a huge step in the right direction. I have practiced patience with Dave today as well. He is supossed to be mowing the grass, but he is sleeping. But I am also slacking. I am to be cleaning for the shower tomorrow but instead I am here.
Once he wakes up and I make dinner, I will make his small pie for him..just him. :) I cant wait to see his face. Hopefully he will give me a hug or kiss or something in appreciation..but I know I can't EXPECT anything...so Im not. Im just hoping. :) Wish me luck!!
Well, I told him about the pie when we were outside. He said that he saw it and wondered what it was. He never did say thank you or anything. Last night we sat next to each other on the couch and watched a movie until I couldn't anymore and I went to bed. He stayed down here and watched movies and played his computer game until after 2am. I did come downstairs and got snotty because I feel we are making progress in most areas but I can not get him to come to bed with me at a decent hour. I was dieing for a drink and actually was wondering if he had fallen asleep downstairs so I came down and got some iced tea..because SOMEONE drank the rest of the kool-aid and didnt refill it and I said to him "What do you need to stay up to at least 2 everyday before going to sleep?" So I was kind of a bitch to him, and I will not justify that it was ok eventhough I really want him to see how hard Im trying and I will just continue onto the next dare.
Favorite Phrase:
Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expections for our mate? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish.
This too I like. I feel like I want him to be at every whim for me but Im not sure I am at every whim for him 24/7. I guess I will find out here later in the book. And Im sorry for expecting soooo much from him when I know I dont expect a lot from myself.
Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more importate to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments , buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."
What did you choose to give your spouse? What happened when you gave it?
Today I got up early and took the kids to Burger King and got all of us, including Dave some pancakes. So, I dont know if I shouldve counted that my gift so when I went to Walmart I found a small banquet blueberry and cherry pie. Blueberry is his favorite...so I got it. I only got one..only one for him. He hasnt seen it yet because he is still sleeping.
Last night he gave me a hug. I was walking through the living room and he was walking towards me and stopped me and actually gave me a hug. Small victories like that make this dare worth it. Last night I asked him to come to bed before the sun came up and he said he would and by golly he did. He slept in the bed with me. Another small victory. Every little victory is a huge step in the right direction. I have practiced patience with Dave today as well. He is supossed to be mowing the grass, but he is sleeping. But I am also slacking. I am to be cleaning for the shower tomorrow but instead I am here.
Once he wakes up and I make dinner, I will make his small pie for him..just him. :) I cant wait to see his face. Hopefully he will give me a hug or kiss or something in appreciation..but I know I can't EXPECT anything...so Im not. Im just hoping. :) Wish me luck!!
Well, I told him about the pie when we were outside. He said that he saw it and wondered what it was. He never did say thank you or anything. Last night we sat next to each other on the couch and watched a movie until I couldn't anymore and I went to bed. He stayed down here and watched movies and played his computer game until after 2am. I did come downstairs and got snotty because I feel we are making progress in most areas but I can not get him to come to bed with me at a decent hour. I was dieing for a drink and actually was wondering if he had fallen asleep downstairs so I came down and got some iced tea..because SOMEONE drank the rest of the kool-aid and didnt refill it and I said to him "What do you need to stay up to at least 2 everyday before going to sleep?" So I was kind of a bitch to him, and I will not justify that it was ok eventhough I really want him to see how hard Im trying and I will just continue onto the next dare.
Favorite Phrase:
Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expections for our mate? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish.
This too I like. I feel like I want him to be at every whim for me but Im not sure I am at every whim for him 24/7. I guess I will find out here later in the book. And Im sorry for expecting soooo much from him when I know I dont expect a lot from myself.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Day 2 - Love is Kind
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kidness.
What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How didyou show kindness, and how did your spouse respond?
My act of kindness was not too much out of my comfort zone, but I was EXHAUSTED! :) Being up from 12-230am with a party going on inside..yeah. Fun! Anyway, Dave gets up pretty early to get ready and go to work. Despite my anger towards him for not going to bed with me last night or spending too much time with me I decided to continue on to Dare 2. I got my butt out of bed, while he was in the shower and made him a pot of coffee at 5am. It wasnt terribly hard, but I still had to motivate myself to wake up and get it done before he noticed I was up. Honestly, I thought he would come back up stairs after he saw it and say thank you or kiss me bye on his way out or even send me a text of some sort. I didn't get anything. So I practiced patience. When I got to work today at 9am he texted me and asked me if I made coffee and I said yes and he replied with "Thanks, that was really awesome of you" That pretty much has made my day and it's only 9:13am!! So as today continues on, I will practice patience and see if I can motivate myself to practice more kindness toward Dave.
Favorite verse:
Kindness thinks ahead, then takes the first step. It doesnt sit around waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first,smiles first, serves first and forgives first. They don't require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness, you see the need, then make your move. First.
I like this passage because I am guilty of sitting there waiting for him to make the first move. I think from today on, I will make the first move. At least until we find our feet in or relationship again.
What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How didyou show kindness, and how did your spouse respond?
My act of kindness was not too much out of my comfort zone, but I was EXHAUSTED! :) Being up from 12-230am with a party going on inside..yeah. Fun! Anyway, Dave gets up pretty early to get ready and go to work. Despite my anger towards him for not going to bed with me last night or spending too much time with me I decided to continue on to Dare 2. I got my butt out of bed, while he was in the shower and made him a pot of coffee at 5am. It wasnt terribly hard, but I still had to motivate myself to wake up and get it done before he noticed I was up. Honestly, I thought he would come back up stairs after he saw it and say thank you or kiss me bye on his way out or even send me a text of some sort. I didn't get anything. So I practiced patience. When I got to work today at 9am he texted me and asked me if I made coffee and I said yes and he replied with "Thanks, that was really awesome of you" That pretty much has made my day and it's only 9:13am!! So as today continues on, I will practice patience and see if I can motivate myself to practice more kindness toward Dave.
Favorite verse:
Kindness thinks ahead, then takes the first step. It doesnt sit around waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first,smiles first, serves first and forgives first. They don't require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness, you see the need, then make your move. First.
I like this passage because I am guilty of sitting there waiting for him to make the first move. I think from today on, I will make the first move. At least until we find our feet in or relationship again.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Day 1 - Love is Patient
Today's Dare:
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything at all. It's better to hold your tongue then to say something you'll regret.
Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words? Was your spouse surprised by the things you didnt say?
Today I started out simple. I sent my husband a text message. Not too overbearing or gushy or anything like that. Just a simple "Have a good day" Honestly, I expected a "you too" or "thanks" and got nothing. This sparked some hurt in me all day. I sent him multiple texts and he never responded. He usually will text me something on his lunch break and I got nothing. The last texted Id gotten from him was "You are annoying" So I had to stare at that text sitting in my inbox all day waiting for him to send me something else. But all day I got nothing. Until around 2:51pm, his phone had been dead. I had held my tongue all day long. I was so hurt and disapointed that he couldnt say anything back to me today. I wanted to spew out how Im trying to make this work and he is giving up and how much I cry and he doesnt even care. I practiced patience today. In the back of my mind I figured something wasnt right and just waited instead of jumping his case for not responding. I wanted to text his friend and ask him what was up. But I didnt. I held my tongue and didnt say anything at all. Im glad that I practiced patience today. The day is not over yet and I intend to update before bed but things here at home are calm between him and I. We haven't kissed or hugged or said I love you to each others faces but he did ask me how my day was...oh and selfish me..I didnt ask him. I think I will now. And I did. It feels good to practice patience and have lines of communication. Hopefully this challenge will save us. I will update later in the night or tomorrow morning.
Update: Dinner just got over with. I made chicken, green beans and carrots. I made the girls plates and set them at the kitchen table. I made my plate and sat down with them. Dave came into the kitchen, grabbed his plate of food and left. He sat in the livingroom, on the computer, playing World of Warcraft. I again practiced patience. I did not tell him how rude he was or how selfish and selfcentered I thought he was being. I guess, for me thinking those thoughts, I am no better then he is. I guess I need to work on my negative attitude. I just dont like how we are obvioulsy sitting at the table as a family and he didnt include himself. He is just in his own little world 99% of the time and it makes me sad. He is oblivious that our marriage really is in shambles and I am picking up my slack and his. Perhaps I havent been the greatest wife. But I think Im trying now. Hell, I didnt even know how to start a blog and I googled it and well, her I am. Blogging away.
Update#2: Another proof that I kept my patience was last night. I woke up around 12am due to a party going on inside of my stomach. I could not get Scarlett to go to sleep for anything. I found myself downstairs, in the company of my husband ((who was STILL on the computer game)) rocking my unborn child to sleep. I was up until 230am. I figured since he knew I was up he would just come to bed with me since an excuse Ive heard was "i dont want to wake you up" but again I got nothing. I held my tounge on him playing that game until after 230am, when I finally fell asleep. Keeping my patience is very hard to do when I want to say something so bad to him. This challenge is going to be more difficult then what I intended it to be.
Thanks for reading -
I will always end with one of my favorite quotes or sayings from today's passage in The Love Dare.
Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief. You don't get what you want and you start heating up inside. It is often an emotional reaction that flows out of own selfishness, foolishness or evil motives.
I picked this passage because it hits so close to home that it hurts. I would generally blow up at my husband because he would not pay attention to me. Sleep in the same bed as me, take a shower with me or even talk to me. So my anger turned to grief and that turned into yelling and such. This passage I take to heart.
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything at all. It's better to hold your tongue then to say something you'll regret.
Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words? Was your spouse surprised by the things you didnt say?
Today I started out simple. I sent my husband a text message. Not too overbearing or gushy or anything like that. Just a simple "Have a good day" Honestly, I expected a "you too" or "thanks" and got nothing. This sparked some hurt in me all day. I sent him multiple texts and he never responded. He usually will text me something on his lunch break and I got nothing. The last texted Id gotten from him was "You are annoying" So I had to stare at that text sitting in my inbox all day waiting for him to send me something else. But all day I got nothing. Until around 2:51pm, his phone had been dead. I had held my tongue all day long. I was so hurt and disapointed that he couldnt say anything back to me today. I wanted to spew out how Im trying to make this work and he is giving up and how much I cry and he doesnt even care. I practiced patience today. In the back of my mind I figured something wasnt right and just waited instead of jumping his case for not responding. I wanted to text his friend and ask him what was up. But I didnt. I held my tongue and didnt say anything at all. Im glad that I practiced patience today. The day is not over yet and I intend to update before bed but things here at home are calm between him and I. We haven't kissed or hugged or said I love you to each others faces but he did ask me how my day was...oh and selfish me..I didnt ask him. I think I will now. And I did. It feels good to practice patience and have lines of communication. Hopefully this challenge will save us. I will update later in the night or tomorrow morning.
Update: Dinner just got over with. I made chicken, green beans and carrots. I made the girls plates and set them at the kitchen table. I made my plate and sat down with them. Dave came into the kitchen, grabbed his plate of food and left. He sat in the livingroom, on the computer, playing World of Warcraft. I again practiced patience. I did not tell him how rude he was or how selfish and selfcentered I thought he was being. I guess, for me thinking those thoughts, I am no better then he is. I guess I need to work on my negative attitude. I just dont like how we are obvioulsy sitting at the table as a family and he didnt include himself. He is just in his own little world 99% of the time and it makes me sad. He is oblivious that our marriage really is in shambles and I am picking up my slack and his. Perhaps I havent been the greatest wife. But I think Im trying now. Hell, I didnt even know how to start a blog and I googled it and well, her I am. Blogging away.
Update#2: Another proof that I kept my patience was last night. I woke up around 12am due to a party going on inside of my stomach. I could not get Scarlett to go to sleep for anything. I found myself downstairs, in the company of my husband ((who was STILL on the computer game)) rocking my unborn child to sleep. I was up until 230am. I figured since he knew I was up he would just come to bed with me since an excuse Ive heard was "i dont want to wake you up" but again I got nothing. I held my tounge on him playing that game until after 230am, when I finally fell asleep. Keeping my patience is very hard to do when I want to say something so bad to him. This challenge is going to be more difficult then what I intended it to be.
Thanks for reading -
I will always end with one of my favorite quotes or sayings from today's passage in The Love Dare.
Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief. You don't get what you want and you start heating up inside. It is often an emotional reaction that flows out of own selfishness, foolishness or evil motives.
I picked this passage because it hits so close to home that it hurts. I would generally blow up at my husband because he would not pay attention to me. Sleep in the same bed as me, take a shower with me or even talk to me. So my anger turned to grief and that turned into yelling and such. This passage I take to heart.
Intro
Im not sure exactly where to start. I believe my marriage is in trouble and was referred by a friend to try The Love Dare. If you haven't heard of The Love Dare, let me sum it up for you. Basically, it is a 40 day challenge on love to help improve your marriage and relationships. Everyday for 40 days there is a different dare. I intend to take the 40 day challenge and blog all my answers and experiences for you and my Husband to read. I have not told him my intentions to do the challenge and I intend to keep this blog a secret, as well.
Let me tell you a little about myself and my family. I am 26 years old and I have 2 biological children, 1 step daughter and one on the way. Currently, I am 28 weeks and 5 days along in my pregnancy with another daughter. I am married to an incredible man who is 34. We got married on April 24, 2010. We have had our ups and downs in our marriage and I feel it's to the point of almost breaking. Hence the reason for the challenge.
I am a Legal Assistant at a Law Firm in Indianapolis, Indiana and I love my job. I went to college at RETS Tech Center in Centerville, Ohio and pursued my Associated Degree in Buisness and obtained my Paralegal Certificate on top of that.
Other then that, I am a normal human being who needs a little bit of help in my relationship. Here is where I begin my challenge.
Let me tell you a little about myself and my family. I am 26 years old and I have 2 biological children, 1 step daughter and one on the way. Currently, I am 28 weeks and 5 days along in my pregnancy with another daughter. I am married to an incredible man who is 34. We got married on April 24, 2010. We have had our ups and downs in our marriage and I feel it's to the point of almost breaking. Hence the reason for the challenge.
I am a Legal Assistant at a Law Firm in Indianapolis, Indiana and I love my job. I went to college at RETS Tech Center in Centerville, Ohio and pursued my Associated Degree in Buisness and obtained my Paralegal Certificate on top of that.
Other then that, I am a normal human being who needs a little bit of help in my relationship. Here is where I begin my challenge.
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