Today's Dare
Look back over the dares from previous days. Where there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your enternal destination.
What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?
The hardest dare by far is practicing patience. I want to blow up so many times at some many things but yet I hold my tounge. Hopeing and praying he opens his eyes completely. Today I had to leave. I had told Brooke when I was getting out her out of the bathtub that she could go downstairs and eat the rest of the strawberries. I didn't say candy or have some pop or what the fuck ever. Strawberries..and there was fucking 4 of them for fuck sakes. She got them out and he took them from her so she started crying..of course..mommy told her to have those and Dave took them away. Confuses a 4 yr old. So he got shitty with me because she didnt eat her dinner. Ok, I get that, but I brought the subject to strawberries up and he went over my head to make the decision and told her no. All he has been doing to day is playing that stupid fucking game. They fixed it and now he's back to gaming. So Im going on strike. Im not cleaning anything up or doing any laundry. I actually folded a load in the livingroom. Its on the table, the floor and the couch. Im leaving it there. If he can jump in and punish the kids then he can learn to help out and get his fucking ass off the couch and do something else around here. Im exhausted and Im sick of doing the fucking dare when he sits there and sucks up me being nice and loving to him and he has nothing in return. He had the nerve to ask me why I would delete his WoW account....because he doesnt do a god damn thing while he plays that. Little does he know Im about to walk the fuck out. Im am not going to compete with a game and I shouldnt have to. I have been practicing patience since day one and they are going even more thin. If anyone needs this dare it's him.
Another one that was tough was the rules. I had Dave sitting next to me and he wouldnt give himself some rules to fight fair buy. He just kept telling me my only rule should be not to talk. Funny at the moment but now that Im in the heat of the moment, why should I have to fight fair when he doesnt want to. He just wants to tune me out. Like Im a crazy, physco bitch. Im sick of fighting tho. Im sick of explaining myself..Im sick of him. I want the 40 days to be over with so I can make my decision.
Favorite Phrase:
You simply wont be able to do it without Him.
Who is Him you ask? God. That's Him. I need him...and Ive been asking for his help. Perhaps this is the only reason that I can continue on day by day even though I feel so betrayed and so pissed off and every bad feeling in the world.
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